What is life? || Jinkook

chap 92

After jungkook faints

The hospital staff came to take him to a room but jin refused saying he will be mad if we move him away in front of the operation theater

So jin held jungkook in bridal style , he weighs the same as before even after giving birth..

Jin's heart felt peace after a long time , after holding someone he loves by his whole heart

And lay him down cautiously on the sofa there and sat beside him , patting jungkook's head while the nurse checks jungkook's blood pressure and sugar level , the results came normal as he faints only becuase of being hyper

After a while when jungkook become conscious and slowly opens his eyes , he tilted his head and jin looks down to see jungkook looking at him so jin moved his hand away from Jungkook's head and starts scratching the back of his neck looking away from jungkook

When jungkook sits up from his laying position , he looks towards the door of the operation theater and said ;

When I first get to know abt hwan , that I'm expecting you knw what was my  first reaction?

And looks towards jin , who just shakes his head and jungkook chuckles a little then said:

I said to doctor that I didn't want this baby

And jin's eyes widen hearing this

Yes I said this, I told doctors that I want to abort the baby, at that time , I didn't want anything related to you with me

And jin's heart sinks again in his chest

I even set the date and time for abortion, at the set date and time I went to the pre op room and took a nap before the operation

There i had a dream, I saw a little baby , in a field full of flowers , while the baby was saying don't leave me

And I just woke up suddenly and realised that what I was going to do was so bad , I shouldn't do this

That little baby shouldn't be punished for what happend between us

Saying this ,jungkook again looks towards jin , whose expressions were telling jungkook that jin was so close to crying pool of tears

The first two trimester of pregnancy were so hard for me , I had multiple episodes of panic attacks , nausea , vomiting,  and one time it was so bad that I was close to miscarriage

You know why this all happend ?

And again looks towards jin , who with tear filled guilty eyes , quivering lips only looks at jungkook without saying anything

Becuase I keep on thinking abt what happend with me , what happend with us , what happend with my mother and sister , how all of them left me , his voice cracks as jungkook remembers all of that again

But then after that incident , I become very careful , I started to come out of my anxiety shell you knw why?

Becuase hwan was the only hope left for me ,I lost my blood relations ,  I lost my mother , my beloved sister ,I lost my friends , and I ..... I lost ...............you

And jin's tears starts pooling down his eyes and he starts hicupping trying to hold his tears

I'm sorry Jungkook

Don't interrupt while I'm telling you the things you were so desperate to know yesterday

At that time I realised I need this baby so badly, and I will do anything to protect him, becuaswe I was left with nothing

And then the remaining time of my pregnancy went by smoothly thanks to proff lee and his wife , they were so kind with me

I owe them my life as well as hwan's life

I asked the doctor abt the gender of the baby and from that day I was searching of some good name for my baby

And then someone online suggested me this name , it has a beautiful meaning,  he became the light of my darkness filled life so I decided to name him Jeon hwan

Why jeon , becuase I'm the father , I never told him abt you , never let him say the picture or any trance of his other father

And jin felt as if someone was stabbing his heart at the same spot again and again, but he didn't complained becuaee he knew he deserved all this
.

At the time , hwan was born , the nurse came to me holding a little baby, in her arms , and when I first looked at hwan , it made me hurt , it hurst a lot , you know why , becuase before hwan was born I prayed alot like all the times I prayed that God please made him look like me but the moment I saw him it was like I am looking at you

He was the exact copy of your features , thee same almond eyes , the same nose , the same puffy cheeks the same plump lips

I complained alot to God , that why you made my baby looks like him when I don't even want to remember him

But as hwan grows up,  he starts to have your features more , it was like I was never be able to forget about you becuase I'm seeing you daily

I didn't hate you at all, I tried , I tried to hate you with all my heart but I never succeed in it because you gave me the purpose to be alive

You left but you gave me hwan ..

And both of them stared at each others eyes , and it seems like the time stopped and there's only the two of them left there when the doctor came and said ;

Congratulations! The operation was successful!! He will be conscious after 6 to 7 hours and then you can see him

The next day !!

Hwan was sleeping while jin was sitting on the couch next to the hospital bed of hwan and jungkook was sitting on hwan's bed holding hwan's hand

When hwan opens his eyes , the effects of anesthesia were now ended so hwan weakly said ;

Appa

And jungkook cries again , hearing his baby speak with him again

Yes my baby and starts kissing hwan face , from his forehead to his chin

Appa misses his baby alot

Hwan:-

No cyy

Haani sad

And jungkook wipes his tears after hearing hwan,

Appa is not sad baby,

I'm just happy

Looking at the two of them jin felt so out that as if he isn't needed here,  so with broken heart he stood up to go out of the room when hwan said :

Butiful fend here !

♡♡♡
5.dec.22