Mad Woman // Ned Stark // Petyr Baelish (2)

5. Hat It

"What if I take your head, would you know then?" The red queen cackled out but the Hatter laughed louder and kept laughing.

"He really is mad." Ned murmured.

"Stop that." The queen demanded, but hatter kept going, he laughed louder right in her face, until she slapped him. Alice cringed back at the sound of the smack. But hatter kept on laughing, madly. The Queen makes a "loco" motion to the others. But when the Hatter saw Alice, the mad laughter stopped. Surprised at her new size, he gave her a wry smile.

He turned to the Queen, as charming as ever.

"My, what a regrettably large head you have. I should very much like to hat it." Hatter remarked.

"Hat it?" The red queen countered crossing her arms over her chest. Alice swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Yes, I used to hat the White Queen, you know, but there wasn't very much for me to work with, poor dear. Her head is so small." Hatter mused.

"It's tiny," The red queen agreed smugly. "a pimple of a head."

"But this... What I could do with this, monument, this orb. Nay, this magnificently heroic globe!" Hatter declared waving his hands around her head.

"What could you do?" The red queen asked intrigued. He lifted his bound hands helplessly. "Unbind him, Knave! How can he work if his hands are bound?"

"He really is mad." Ned chuckled as the knave unbound the hatters hands.

"Alice talks a lot about their tea parties when she was younger." Petyr remarked. "Said he knew how to make any awkward or frustrating situation humorous, used to say he would do a dance to..." Petyr recalled softly.

"Shall it be a bonnet or a boater, or something for the boudoir?" Hatter remarked walking around the red queen hands waving around her large head. Every word he spoke he seemed to be growing more and more manic. "A cloche, dunce hat, death cap, coif, snood, barboosh or pugree, , yarmulke, cockle-hat, pork-pie, tam o'shanter," he went on.

"What language is he speaking?" Ned questioned.

"Alice always said they spoke funny here." Petyr recalled. "She could never repeat it, said it was too ridiculous and wouldnt make sense, didn't make sense to her even."

"- billy-cock, bicorn, tricorn, bandeau, bongrace, fan-tail, night cap, garibaldi, fez..." Hatter went on and Alice pretended to sneeze.

"Hatter!" she said through her sneeze. He jerked back his head to her.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Hatter assured.

"Leave us." The red queen demanded and Alice rose carefully, she glanced down to see Ned and Petyr clinging to her dress. The Knave was suspicious of the Hatter. But his interest in Alice drew him away.

Knave followed closely behind Alice, breathing down her neck. She trie to move past him, but he grabbed her wounded arm. Alice cried out at the pain as he pushed her against the wall.

"I'm going to kill him." Ned declared as they were thrown from her dress with the sudden jerk.

"I like you, Um. I like them large." Knave declared leaning in to kiss her but he felt a stab at his ankle and it pulled him back.

"Get away from me!" Alice demanded. She kicked him back and scooped up Ned and Petyr making a run for it.

+

"You must find Alice, Knave. Without the Jabberwocky, my sister's followers will surely rise against me." The red queen declared bitterly as she looked over the moat of skulls Alice, Ned and Petyr had jumped across to get to the palace. "My ugly little sister...why do they adore her and not me?"

"I cannot fathom it. You are far superior in all ways." Knave lied, he hated the queen but he wanted the power the crown could give him.

"I know. But Mirana can make anyone fall in love with her: men, women, even the furniture." The red queen grumbled.

"Even the King." Knave remarked. The red queens dark, bitter gaze traveled down to the grim moat below.

"I had to do it. He would have left me." She remarked staring at the kings skull floating around the moat with the others.

"Majesty, isn't it better to be feared than loved?"

"I'm not certain anymore. Oh, let her have the rabble! I don't need them. I have you." She leaned into Knave happily and he held back a gag of distaste. "I do have you, don't I, Knave?" He managed a forced smile, but gave her no reply. 

+

"I'm so very sorry." Alice remarked staring at them in her hand. "I thought you would be safer in wonderland but I think I was wrong." Alice admitted. 

"I think I would have lost my head in westeros." Ned countered. "This is quite the adventure." She held them up to her ear to hear. 

"An adventure that might also end in our deaths." Alice countered softly. "I'm so very sorry. To both of you."

"Alice, there is no place I would rather be." Petyr assured. "Let's go save your friend."