Short Stories

Overwhelm

My hand shakily hovers over the enter button. I gulp as I'm about to press it. I groan as I quickly push my whole body back to relax on the office chair I sit at. My left brain has been convincing me to be logical about it. He's your friend, you fucking retard. I wince as I look back at my laptop screen. Though my right brain's fighting through it, saying it won't hurt to try. It's not like he'll leave me just because I said I like him, right? He said it himself! He wouldn't mind if I ever liked him.

So... Why am I still so afraid? I can trust him with my feelings! He's a good guy for christ's sake!! But my anxiety won't listen to any of my rational thoughts. I sigh for the 15th time by now. I've been feeling all mushy over a friend and I don't even know if he feels the same. He seems to be someone who is so hard to read, So now here I am with a confession letter right in his inbox. It patiently waits for me to press send.

My stomach churns as I think about the bad possibilities that will occur at the exact moment I send it. He appears online too, which means he'll reply faster. I felt like throwing up as I slowly reach out for the forbidden button.

C L I C K -

I finally hit send and the overwhelming feeling washed over me. I was about to delete it but he instantly saw the message. Dread and regret are slowly filling me. My stomach growls. I couldn't tell if it was due to hunger or the fact that I'm so nervous. I haven't been eating and sleeping properly because of this exact situation. I've lost my appetite and I'm always tired but somehow sleep wasn't in my body's vocabulary.

I wanted someone to talk to, But I feel embarrassed about it. I've never felt this before. My best friends always knew whenever I liked someone or just anything that happened in my life in general. But the fact that he's my best friend and I have the audacity to have a crush on him makes me feel shameful about it.

"Hahaha what this?"

"HAHAHA JUST READ IT-"

My heart thumps in my chest as his bubblehead pops up again. He sent a photo. Shit. My heart wouldn't stop beating so fast. I hold my breath as I click the chat head.

The photo was just a white screen. Anxiousness slowly slipped away as confusion washed over me. Did I send the wrong file? I start to laugh out loud as my tense body relaxes. Though before my mind had a break, the realization hit me.

Then I look back up and realize that. Yes, I wrote that. Yes, that's the right file. I DID THAT. YOU FUCKING FOOL. Now I can't avoid this. Fate really wasn't being nice to me.

"HAHAHA FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF"

Not even a minute later he replied with another picture. My stomach starts to make more weird noises again. I feel very nauseous and I want to cry and throw up. I confirm it by checking the image he sent. He did figure it out. He sends me a meme, pretty much saying he'll be reading it. I freak out and tell him 'goodnight' even though it is currently 2 PM.

- - -

It is already evening and he still hasn't said anything. Worry is overwhelming me as I sit on my chair trying to figure out what to do. This guy is about to give me a heart attack. I put my hands on my face as I groan loudly. It's literally Monday and I've probably ruined the start of his weekdays.

I let out a big sigh and look at the list of homework I have instead. Maybe if I focus on schoolwork this situation wouldn't stress me out.

- - -

I lie awake on my bed. The mattress seems like cement against my body. Or was it just guilt and regret overshadowing me? I want to cry though, tears wouldn't come out. I'm too tired from worrying all day that my body can't even let it out. I spawl on the mattress as my ears ring out, filling in the void. I let out another sigh as I toss around trying to find a comfortable position.

I sit up and pick my phone up. 3:14 AM. Great. I can't seem to sleep. Is this what it feels like to have insomnia? Because if it is, it sucks. My finger went to the messaging app instinctively and my eyes scanned for his name.

'Maybe he just needs time.'

I put my phone beside me, leaving it uncharged. I close my eyes, forcing myself to go to the dream world.

- - -

Class dismissed, as I sit there all alone in the google meet. I let out another deep breath. He still hasn't replied. I bet he thinks I'm weird. Why did I send that to him? What was I thinking? I chuckle at myself in pity. I press the 'leave' button and start to type in music on youtube.

Somehow I couldn't jam out. The music didn't feel the same when I feel overwhelmed.

I really messed up this time, haven't I? Maybe he was joking when he replied to my flirts. It kinda sucks that I can never tell if he's joking when I flirt with him. And now I'm in this mess...

I skipped breakfast and lunch today yet I don't feel hungry. Maybe this is a good thing, who knows? I can look at the good side instead. I can lose weight this way, haha. Yea, no.

I like the guy a lot but I do understand that he won't have feelings for someone like me. I'm a nobody compared to him. Literally. Ever since we were kids he was always the smart one. When until now all I can do is wish for me to pass when it comes to my intelligence. I think his parents hated me too. I used to bother him a lot when we were kids. Every morning, afternoon, and maybe sometimes evening.

His sense of humor is great as well. He makes me laugh a lot, even when I feel sad. If only he thought I was cool, haha. He's so out of my league, who'll even like me at this point?

A lot of girls will like this guy, of course. It just sucks that I grew more attached to him. We could've just been good friends but I ruined it and now he probably will block me.

I check our conversation again. I sent a meme though he didn't look at it. My fingers feel heavy, though I still type in.

"Hey,"

"I'm sorry qwq."

This is just pathetic. I fold my arms on my desk and lie on it as tears fell from my eyes like a waterfall. The overwhelming feeling washes over me all over again.

My energy starts to fade away from me. Maybe because of the lack of food, maybe because of lack of sleep. Who knows and who cares? I close my eyes as I gradually get the needed sleep.

"I wish this goes my way..."