Short Stories

Sick of Being The Good Girl

I look at the ceiling as I listen to my sister's small snores. Tears fall from my eyes yet I hold all the noises back. It is nighttime, darkness engulfing the whole room as the moonlight tries to fight it off. Crickets outside quietly chirp as the only noise inside the room are my light sniffles. I hear my dad typing away downstairs, seeming like he's on another call.

I let out another sigh as I sit up and cover my face with my soft pillow. Closing my eyes shut made waterfalls of tears pour out. I breathe in heavily trying to calm myself down. My body felt okay yet I feel tired. Mentally drained.

Burnt out.

I had another fight with my mom today which made my mood go down further. I feel so helpless. It seems like nobody's there for me, even my own family. I know I have my friends as well, though it still feels lonely. I still feel like I'm all alone.

I clutch my phone tightly in my left hand as the other grips onto the pillow. I deeply sigh again.

I've done everything in my willpower to be the good girl that everyone wants me to be. I'm so sick of it. I try to follow what they want yet I'm still a disappointment in their eyes. I am so tired. I was always the girl that everyone walked over and I always let it be just to get on peoples' good side. I listened to my mother yet she always yells at me. No. At US. Now that I've grown senses, I've started to point out my mom's toxicity. Though she's blinded by pride to let her guard down. I've never heard her say sorry after any outbursts of her.

I've lost all my motivations by now. The only thing that keeps me going is that I'll soon leave and start a fresh life. I'll soon find true happiness. I'll be smiling again unlike putting on a fake mask in front of everyone.

I rub my eyes, trying to stop the water that pours out of my eyes. I can't believe I put up all those personas just to keep up with people. Although all of them still leave me in the end. There are only a few who stayed. I always waved back at people even though I have no clue who they are. They're all forgotten memories for me.

I always feel so captive. Ever since I was a kid my mom wouldn't let me out, nor will she let any of my friends in. There are some lucky ones who were allowed inside, though they didn't last being my friend, sadly.

I stare at the stars. There are only a few of them today. I look down at my hand and I unlocked my phone. It brightly shines on my face as it says it is already 2 AM. Nothing will really go my way, will it?

Why is it that life treats me this way? I've never wished anyone hell, yet I suffer from it. Nothing. Nobody. It all describes me. I feel pathetic even when I get the highest scores in the class. I feel no happiness as I get honorary titles in every subject. Nothing I do are worth it yet I still do it just to satisfy everyone around me. I tell myself every time that I won't care about peoples' thoughts about me. Yet validations are the only thing I'm still looking for.

I try to fix it but it's just hard when you did those from the start. I try to be better than everyone even when no one's competing with me. I hate the fact that I'm pushing myself so hard just to reach a nonexistent goal.

I let out a small sob so I cover my face deeper onto the pillow. As I think about what I'll be doing later. As I realized that I have 7 homework I haven't done for the past few days.

"I'm so sick of being the good girl."