Querencia

15

"Juyeon and Heiji had few encounters before. That day you saw the dramatic incident between them was not the first time they talked."

Freya's voice telling her the information she got kept ringing in Hana's head, though she did her best not to remember it. At a certain point, she did hope that she had a superpower that could make her forget all the painful memories she had.

But to no avail, she would be living with it.

From the start of the class, she could not even focus on what her professor blabbered at the front of the hall, her slender fingers were busy pressing her temples. She wanted to slap herself right now from being so distracted over personal things whilst in class, nonetheless, she seemed to get one thing - the impact of loving Juyeon got the best of her.

Hana did not realize that Juyeon also could not even focus in class, worried about his best friend. She looked so miserable, but he could not unveil anything from the act, Hana was rarely this way.

He wanted to ask but he did note the last conversation he shared with Freya - to give Hana spaces she might need.

"Alright, make sure you submit this task in the next class", finally the class was dismissed, and groans were heard from every corner of the hall. Not to blame anyone, but the subject they took was like a killing weapon.

"Should we eat outside today?" Juyeon broke the silence between him and the girl, hoping that she wanted to talk. "I don't have a practice and the classes are over for today."

However, whilst Juyeon was talking, Hana's eyes darted to the transparent file in his grasp. He always had that file in every class but now only Hana noticed a glimpse of a plastic wrapper behind the cover.

It was a chocolate wrapper but it was not familiar to her. It was not the type he always gave her, and once again Freya's voice rang in her head.

"I've heard from my classmates that Heiji had once given Juyeon a chocolate and they said he still got the wrapper with him all the time."

Clicking her tongue, Hana clenched her fist, controlling herself from exploding. This whole thing made her nauseous, angry and disgusted.

It was a whole dynamic emotion she felt.

"That is how you show affection", she spoke in the lowest tone, very sure that it was inaudible even for Juyeon to hear despite the proximity between them.

"What did you say?"

"I have a discussion with my group for the event", lying, she took her first step leaving the clueless boy, somewhat angry through every footstep as she stomped them against the floor.

But then, she felt a touch softly grasping her wrist, slightly pulling her back. Usually, she could have felt the electrifying sensation sent down her spine but today it did nothing but add rages inside her chest.

She was dying to push him away, she refused to have more encounters with him but she knew it was way too rude to do.

"I'll wait. I have nothing to do anyway, maybe I can help you guys", Juyeon smiled sweetly, turning his eyes into crescents.

But Hana hated it.

For 10 years, she saw this side of Juyeon which made her drowning more into a love she hoped he could reciprocate. This sweet side of Juyeon was always in her view, making it hard for her to stop waiting for him. It was as if he had always hinted to her that one day he would reciprocate her feelings from a decade ago.

But, it had turned out this way.

"You have lots of friends Juyeon", she spoke up after a while arranging some good words in her head so, as not to offend him. "You can go with anyone else if I'm not available."

And so, she let herself off from his touch and walked away, once again without turning back.

From the bottom of Hana's heart, she knew, she shouldn't have been mad towards Juyeon, it was not his fault. If he finally fell for another girl, Hana should have let him go, for he was not hers to begin with. They were only friends.

But another part of her was clouding with disappointment. It was as if she had been deceived.

For a decade, she told herself thousands of times that Juyeon wanted to focus on his studies, achieving his dream first before committing himself to a relationship. She lived with that belief, turning herself into a loyal girl who would rather wait than change her heart for a different boy.

On top of that, she was upset that he'd never cared to tell her that he had found another girl to love. He definitely, was not oblivious to her feelings, didn't he?

"Did you bring Juyeon here?"

Chanhee whispered into her ear, whilst the two were busy looking up the internet, brainstorming the decorations that would fit the theme of the upcoming event.

"He wanted to come along", Hana glanced over her shoulder, watching the boy diligently helping Kevin choose some colors to combine.

Looking at him suddenly turned her guilty. Was she getting too harsh on him earlier?

"Hey Hana", Chanhee's nudge broke her stare from her crush, adverting her attention towards the pretty boy. His expression was soft as if he wanted to tell her something supportive, unlike the usual interactions they had daily. "Changmin might be rooting for you and Kevin but I am rooting for you and Juyeon."

Hana was slightly startled by the sudden remark, but she did not lie that she was convinced and moved.

"You do know that I didn't hate you right?" she turned her body facing him, making the boy flinched. "I've always loved you Chanhee."

"Stop it!" he shrieked, cheesy things made him nauseous instantly. But, the two finally broke into a burst of laughter, Chanhee then crossed his arms, delivering some good words, "I've heard from Freya about the conflict you have with Juyeon. But girl, until he tells you himself that he likes someone else, keep fighting for your love."

"Chanhee", she sang his name which he hummed as a response, eyes on her. "I love you."