Barcelona Sun

not a home yet

*Carlos*

I leaned my head against the cool wall of the elevator and closed my eyes. It just didn't feel like coming home. Ever since my last relationship had fallen apart and I had moved into this house, just nothing felt like home. In the end, everything was empty and insignificant. When I was here, I tried to do as much as possible not to be alone, because then came the thoughts and the doubts. Doubts that I did not want to hear.
At the moment, somehow nothing in my life was really going well. Neither in Formula 1 nor in my private life was I where I wanted to be. As if everything had conspired against me.
Tired, I noticed that the elevator had stopped. I pushed away from the wall as a little boy joined me in the elevator. He must be new here in the building, because I had never seen him before. Or had I simply not noticed him?
"Matteo!" a woman called out in the hallway, the boy half-turned.
"Here, Mom!" he called.
I could hear her footsteps, then the doors from the elevator almost closed again. I held the doors open with my hand as she rounded the corner.
For a moment, I was speechless. A beautiful woman looked at me with her bright green eyes, so that I almost lost myself in them. But she averted her gaze far too quickly and took the boy by the hand.
"Honey, you can't just run away!"
"But you said we were going to Daddy's!"
"Later, honey. Right now we have to finish something." she looked back up at me "Sorry." she mumbled "We didn't mean to hold you up."
"You're new here aren't you?", I asked, she nodded and took the boy in her arms.
"We moved here a few days ago. I'm Elena, this is my son Matteo.", she held out her hand to me.
"Carlos.", I smiled, grabbing her hand and shaking it.
My heart beat a little faster when she touched my hand. Just the look on her face sent a shiver down my spine. She was incredibly beautiful. Her skin was soft. And her look made me feel faint.
"Nice to meet you and again, sorry. We didn't mean to hold you up.", she smiled, lifted her son a bit higher one more time and then left the elevator.
"No problem.", I called after her and was suddenly quite happy to be back.

I didn't stay long in my apartment. I only did the most necessary things. I did the laundry, got my mail, and then tried to shake off the thoughts that had come to me. I didn't want to think about how bad things were at Ferrari and that we were barely competitive with our car.
I didn't want to think about the fact that I was still alone, far from starting my own family. And actually I had always believed that I would be ready by now. Maybe even a child already.
I had always had a plan for my life. A clear structure. But it seemed to be slipping out of my hands more and more.
And every time I allowed these thoughts to happen, I became afraid that I might never make it. Every time I thought about it, I felt like a failure.
What if I had made a mistake and missed everything as a result?
What if the plan had never been able to work?
What if?
What if?

I converted all my frustration and self-doubt into speed and sprinted the last few meters to the house. Only when driving and running did I really clear my head. Then I just put one foot in front of the other or took turn after turn. No thoughts. Only speed.
A grin slipped across my lips when I saw Elena at the door in front of the house. She seemed to be having a little trouble and as I got closer I realized why.
She was carrying her son, who was obviously asleep, and two shopping bags. This was a skill I had seen mostly in women. How did they manage to carry so much at once?
I took one of my Airpods out of my ears and took a step closer.
"Shall I?", I asked, nodding towards the door.
She breathed a sigh of relief "Thank you." she nodded.
I unlocked the door and let her enter, then took the shopping bags from her hand. I could see she was going to protest, but then she just took an exhausted breath and smiled gratefully.
"Thank you." she repeated as she leaned wearily in the elevator. Being a mother sure wasn't easy.
"No problem.", I smiled and leaned against the wall in the elevator across from her as we rode up to her floor.
My eyes slid down her. She was truly a beauty. Dark, long hair that fell in waves over her shoulders. Bright, shining eyes that looked full of love at her son. Fine facial features that her son had clearly inherited from her. And curves that I could only guess at under the loose fabric of her dress. In the end, however, my gaze remained fixed on her full lips.
God how I would have loved to kiss her.
The elevator stopped and I followed her to her apartment. She rummaged in her bag, took out the key and unlocked the apartment. I followed her inside. Her smell hit me and I stopped for a moment, completely overwhelmed. I had already noticed her smell in the elevator, but here it smelled so distinctly of her that goose bumps ran all over my body.
She smelled kind of floral. But not as heavy as that classic rose scent, more like a sea of flowers in the Barcelona sun. Sweet. Fine.
I snapped my eyes back open and followed her into the kitchen, there I placed her grocery bags on the kitchen counter.
"And thank you again." she laughed, almost a little embarrassed.
"Not for this.", I waved it off, knowing I should leave now, but quite honestly not wanting to.
I didn't want to leave, yet I kept moving. It was probably pretty disconcerting that I hadn't left immediately. At least it felt kind of weird to me.
Should I not have come in at all?
I had almost reached her apartment door when I heard a soft "Carlos?".
I immediately stopped and spun around. She came after me with quick steps.
"Um so... just if you... I mean, if you're not doing anything right now... I was going to cook myself some spaghetti carbonara and if you feel like it, I'll cook a little more and you'll eat with me? I hate eating alone so much.", she bit her lower lip nervously.
A smile slid right back across my lips as I immediately began to nod.
"I'd love to.", I nodded, bringing a smile to her face as well.
"Cool. Then ehm, I'll just put Matteo to bed and then get to cooking.", her bright eyes sparkled as she said that.
"And I'll just go take a quick shower and then I'll be back here," I promised, returning her smile.
She really was beautiful. And even more beautiful when she laughed like that.

Only a quarter of an hour later I was again in front of her door. I had brought a bottle of wine and knocked on her door with a racing heart.
It took a moment, then she opened for me. From behind, the sun shimmered through her thin summer dress and I could see the silhouette of her figure. She had beautiful curves, in just the right places.
"Hey.", she smiled and took a step to the side so I could enter.
"Hey.", I replied, accepting her unspoken invitation.
Her scent immediately surrounded me again. This time, however, there was carbonara mixed in with the smell and my heart warmed immediately.
She walked ahead of me back into the kitchen and I noticed that she was walking barefoot. The sound of her feet on the parquet floor was barely perceptible, but I was sure I would never forget it.
A little later we were sitting on her balcony eating while the sun was slowly setting over Barcelona. Bathed in the red light of dusk, I raised my glass.
"I really didn't feel much like coming back home this morning, but if I'm honest this makes it much better. Here's to this beautiful evening.".
The blush immediately shot to her cheeks as she raised her glass "Here's to a lovely evening and I'm also really glad we ran into each other today." she smiled before toasting me.

After we ate, we took the dishes to the kitchen and I immediately stood at the sink.
"You don't have to..." she put in, but I shook my head.
"You cooked, I'll do the dishes," I said, brooking no argument.
She immediately grabbed the kitchen towel and started drying off the things I had washed and then putting them away. I couldn't really concentrate on what we were doing though. She was getting closer and closer to me and I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss those beautiful, full lips.
My gaze was stuck on her and it was only her laughter that brought me back to the present.
"Are you okay?" she asked, I nodded "You look so absent somehow. You must be tired after your long trip today.".
I shook my head and took a step towards her. My wet hands slid to her hips as if by themselves and I pulled her towards me. My heart was beating up to my throat. She looked up at me and at that moment seemed like an innocent little deer in headlights.
"Is it okay if I kiss you?", I growled, her body pressed tightly against mine.
"I don't kiss men on the first date," she whispered.
"This isn't a date either.", I replied and could see her pushing herself up a bit towards me.
"Good, then I'm sure I can make an exception," her lips were almost on mine now.
I just nodded, staring into her eyes. I never wanted to forget this moment, because I was sure that this was the beginning of something big. Something important.
I held her body close to me before I bridged the last bit between us and kissed her.
My heart exploded.