Barcelona Sun

sometimes gestures were worth a thousand words

*Elena*

We had gone back to the hotel.

Just Carlos and me. But unfortunately, it became painfully clear to me that the relationship with a Formula 1 driver would never be just him and me. That had been why Fernando and I had never been in public, because it was just too much.

I hated the fact that we could hardly take a step out of the car without countless cameras pointed at us. Everything inside me contracted and even though Carlos tried to push me past all that as quickly as possible, an unprecedented fear crept up inside me when I perceived the hissed comments.

I got, even if it was only a few meters, some comments shouted after me that I had never heard in my life. I hated it and I was sure it wouldn't get any better once it came out that I was pregnant with his child. And that I already had a son by Fernando....

Just the thought made me feel sick.

Carlos was tense, that didn't escape me either. But I couldn't focus on him right now. My own heart was racing so hard that I felt sick.

"It's going to be okay, Bellezza." he whispered as he gently pushed me into the elevator.

I reached for his hand, as if by reflex, and pulled him closer to me. I wanted to feel his safety. His closeness. His warmth.

He immediately wrapped his arms around me and gently stroked my back "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been in the box today like that..."

"I was there by choice, wasn't I?", I whispered, stroking along his jaw.

His warm brown eyes looked at me sadly "It's still my fault. I did so much wrong, holding on to the wrong woman for so long and destroying something I can't just fix. And I actually know better and still didn't stop the press from jumping on us now. I'm sorry Bellezza." his fingers gently stroked through my hair "Yet I just want to be with you. I just want to be happy with you and Matteo and our little Chili.".

Gently he put his lips on my forehead "Because you are my sun and I want to be so close to you that I get burned by you." he whispered.

I leaned against him a little and immediately felt him tighten his grip "I love you Elli." his voice sounded completely exhausted.

I rested my head a little against his shoulder until the elevator stopped. Very gently, he pulled me with him to his room. He dropped powerlessly onto his bed and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Elli." he whispered "Maybe I'm just not right for you. Maybe I bring more problems than I can solve. Maybe I'm fooling myself and destroying your life. Maybe...".

I had crawled up next to him on the bed and interrupted him with a gentle kiss "Stop it, please.", I gently stroked his hair "Yes, it's all too much for me right now and yes, I'm going to have problems with it, but I'm here because I want to be here, Carlos.", I let my fingers gently glide over his scalp "I'm here because I'm just as afraid to get away from you. I'm scared of it and I'm even more scared of you hurting me again, but I'm here.", I whispered and breathed a kiss on his cheek "Because I love you, mi amor.".

He half turned on his side, still looking at me in complete pain "I will never hurt you again." he whispered "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. With you and our children, in a house near Fernando, so Matteo can grow up with all of us."

"That sounds like a plan," I whispered "But give me a little time, ok?"

"All the time you need. Just let me be with you." he whispered.

I nodded and started to tickle his hair as I rolled over onto my back. He lowered his head to my stomach. His hand gently stroked my arm.

"That's exactly what you do to me Elli." he whispered lovingly "You completely captivate me. Ever since we first met."