Here With Me // Daniel Ricciardo

2

"Alice have you seen my work pass? I know you were playing with it before."

"No. I put it back in your jacket pocket."

"My jacket pocket? the one I was wearing last night."

I received an innocent little nod to which I let out a huge grunt of disbelief, "I must have dropped it last night when I was out im going to get in so much trouble."

"It's okay Mum, if they like you they won't shout at you."

"I wish it was like that sweetheart."

I watched as my ten year old sat cross legged in the living room, her pens and pencils scattered on the carpet as she drew a picture on the coffee table. 

"Watch you don't get ink everywhere, I don't want those pens on the floor." Jack moaned, walking in to the room.

"They have lids on them, she's fine sitting here watching tv!" 

He was in an extra foul mood because he was going back to work. I know he'll cheer up when he gets back so I'll just put up with it for another day. 

"I've got to go then, sort out this pass. Alice be good, i'll come in and see you when I finish but don't wait up you have school tomorrow."

I kissed both of them on the cheek and ran out to my car. 

I was terrified about having to go in and say I lost my pass, anyone could have a hold of it. 

I parked my car in the staff car park and gathered my stuff. 

All of my stuff was dumped on a bench outside the door to the hospital and I had one last search through my bag, just incase I had overlooked it sitting inside. 

"Sophia!" I snapped around to see Daniel standing behind me. 

"What- how? Daniel why are you here?" I was a bit more abrupt with him than I should have been, but i had no explanation for why he could have been standing there. 

"This fell last night, i kept it so I had a reason to come and see you. you mentioned something about starting at twelve today, I've been here since 10:30 just incase you were early."

I took my hospital pass from him, "I could have lost my job for losing this."

"I know but I had to see you, just the two of us."

"You didn't. It's been ten years, surely you've moved on? Forgotten everything? You don't need the closure of seeing me, let's just forget it all."

"Of course I haven't forgotten, we were together for eight years, you were my first proper love and you left with barely an explanation."

"Okay we both know that's not entirely true. You were making the move to F1, you were moving to Monaco with the lavish and perfect life, I was still in Uni, distance wouldn't have worked and we were 23. I wasn't going to hold you back by being a distraction."

He rolled his eyes, "Thats an awful reason."

"If it was a rubbish reason then we would have found our way to be back together, Michael said you cut ties with everyone, your parents included and you moved away. He said that nobody knew where you were or what you were doing. Do you realise how insane that was that we bumped in to you?"

"Yes I do actually. I moved from Australia to London, I was kind of hoping that bumping in to either of you would be impossible."

"Sophia you're acting like you're angry with me, I haven't done anything."

"You haven't, I'm sorry its coming across that way but I was okay on my own. I cut my family off for a reason, Michael just reminded me of a lot."

I stood looking at the ground. Daniel really was ageing like fine wine, I felt guilty looking at him. 

"Michael really misses you ya know, so do I of course but it's a different kind of miss you."

I shifted weight between my feet, not knowing what to do. 

"Can I get your number Sophia? I really want to talk to you just the two of us."

I let out a deep sigh and gathered my stuff together, "I don't think that's appropriate or fair Daniel, you know I'm married... I'm sorry."

I turned my back to him and started to walk towards the hospital doors. 

"Are you happy?" Daniel called. I spun on my heels to face him. "Are you happy? you said before you were 'okay' with being alone here, you never said you were happy."

"I have a daughter." I finally said. his face fell, like I had picked up his heart and shattered it like a piece of glass in to a million pieces. "I have a daughter, a husband, a house, a job."

"Well? Are you happy? That answers nothing."

"Define happy." I answered. 

"Do you love him? Do you love him the way you loved me?"

"Define love, Daniel."  I turned my back to him again, knowing I had hurt him but he didn't realise I was actually trying to protect him. I turned back again and saw he hadn't taken any steps away, just stood watching me. "Daniel, actually, can I get Michael's number? I don't finish until late tonight but when I can I'd like to talk to him."

He reluctantly pulled his phone from his pocket and read out Michael's number. I thanked him and hurried inside, leaving him standing outside the hospital looking lost.