Here With Me // Daniel Ricciardo

6

"Sophia you'll never guess what, I have so much to tell you!" Emily squealed, pulling out a seat beside me in work. "Wow, what happened to your eye?"

I winced, remembering the large black eye that was on display. The constant trips back and forward to the toilet to try and cover it up were tough when the ward was full and a break was only a mere dream. The concealer and foundation I had applied hours ago had clearly started to melt off my face and offer no signs of camouflage. 

This wasn't the first time I had to lie as a cover up.

"I slipped on the ice a few days ago, really hurt my wrist too but it's getting better! The weather has been lethal recently."

"Slipping in the ice causes a black eye?"

"Yeah, I bumped my nose on the step when I fell."

I hate when she asks questions, it just digs the lie deeper, not to mention the fact that her and I had been friends for years and she could definitely see through my lies. 

"Anyway, your brother took me on a date. He found me on Facebook, we chatted for a few days and then he took me out for dinner. Oh my glad Sophia, whatever you said to him about me worked. I can't believe you hid him from me for so long, he's lovely, like a male version of you!"

"He is my twin," I shrugged, her big news taking me aback. "How long have you been seeing him?"

I know what he was doing, he was using Emily to get closer to me but since she doesn't know the whole story she is completely oblivious to the whole act. 

"A week now, practically every day we're becoming really close really fast. He's just so easy to get along with, I could spend hours with him and it only feels like minutes. I've been dying to tell you all week but our shifts haven't lined up, this isn't a tell you over text kind of thing. I'm surprised Michael never told you?"

"Michael and I don't talk Emily," I snapped, I didn't mean to but it just came out. "I'm sorry, I just mean we have our reasons for keeping our distance. If you're happy though I'm happy, we might have our differences but he definitely wouldn't treat you badly."

She looked at me almost like a child who had brought her boyfriend home and wanted her parents to approve of him. The story her eyes told were pleading for me to jump on the spot with her, hold her hands and squeal in delight at what she just told me. 

"He's walking me home after work. I told him you were working, he was hoping to bump in to you."

"Seriously? Please don't tell him these things Emily, it's not your fault but it's just... I don't know what to tell you. I just don't want anything to do with him."

I pulled a collection of patient files together and started filing them away in cabinets. For an almost paperless system it feels like we have more paper than ever. 

"So what? You're just going to ignore him when you see him?"

"Really Emily, you don't understand." I sighed.

Emily had been my best friend since I arrived in the UK, before Alice had even been born, before I even met Jack but she barely knew anything about what happened before I moved over. She thinks Jack is an amazing husband, she laughs at his jokes, she gushes about his smile and she tells me every day how lucky I am. Every. Single. Day. I didn't have the heart to tell her, or more if I told her it would make things true and I didn't want to face up to the problems. She wouldn't realise that everything I have done has been for a reason. 

"The least you can do is be happy for me."

I took a deep breath and turned to face her, "If you are happy then I am happy. If you and Michael hit it off, legitimately, then you have my full support. I love you both a lot but there's more to it than me running back to him. Please don't force me."

I don't want to be around him long enough that I crumble. I have way too many priorities to crumble back in to the arms of the man I never stopped loving, no matter how many times I tried.

I was interrupted by the pager ringing on my hip ,I grabbed it and ran from her. The interruption was welcome but at the cost of my six year old patient coding, not so much. 

"Time of death, 15:30." The doctor announced, 45 minutes after we had the initial call of the boy in difficulty. 

Ten years in the job and it never, ever gets easier. I never said anything to his parents, one thing I did learn was that everyone running to the parents instantly was entirely overwhelming and unwelcoming. Instead, I put my hand on his mothers and squeezed it supportively. 

I was half an hour past my shift end and running late for picking up Alice from school. 

I grabbed everything I needed from my locker and and rushed through the hospital as fast as I could to get to my car. 

"Sophia, is everything okay?"

I didn't realise I was crying until I was stopped and questioned by Emily who was conveniently lingering on the hospital grounds. 

"I'm fine Em, he didn't make it and i'm stressed it never mixes well."

She wrapped her arms around me quickly but I needed that hug more than she could have imagined. I didn't want her to stop but her squeeze was quick before she rubbed my shoulders, "Go home, bath, pj's, glass of wine, the usual and call me if you need anything." 

She disappeared again before I could say anything but I didn't want to turn round and face Michael. Instead I just ran to my car and continued to run away from all the other problems.