I love you seoul (reverse harem)

Self Care

You would think leaving the hospital was a parade. The boys weren't all supposed to come to the hospital however, that didn't stop them. I was tired and just wanted to go home. They grabbed my balloons and all the gifts they brought me. A nurse made me take a wheelchair to the car.

What I didn't expect was the crowd outside of the hospital waiting for them. I hid my face in my hands as camera's flashed. I guess officially this would be Jimin and my first outing since we confirmed a relationship publicly. I looked horrendous.

I was quickly wheeled to a black car with Jimin, Yoongi, and Taehyung. The balloons were in one of the other cars with Namjoon and Jungkook. I was to tired to talk so I just laid my head back and closed my eyes. The ride home was pretty much silent besides Jimin handing me a water bottle.

I trudged my way up the stairs to our house. The boys carrying massive amounts of balloons, flowers, and gifts behind me.

"Jagiya where would you like all of this?" Jimin sighs.

I shrug. "My room I guess." I lead the way to my room where Lady yapped at my feet to greet me and  all of the boys plop the piles of items in my room. "Do you guys mind if I have the night to myself tonight?" I yawn.

"Is everything okay?" Taehyung looks at me concerned.

I nod. "Mhm. I just am tired and feel like crap from the hospital."

"Understandable, lets give her space." Namjoon says to everyone. "If you need us we'll be in our rooms okay?"

I smile at them and wave as one by one they all say goodbye to me.

"Do you want Rilyn to hang out with you tonight?" Hoseok asks.

I shake my head no. "No thanks. I think today is just for me."

He nods and walks out of the room. I sigh closing the door behind me. I have no idea what I'm going to do with a good 50 balloons but I figure thats what I should start on. Finding a spot for them. I reach my arm out as I walk and grab the strings to a bunch and bring them to the corner of my room.

I take the dozen gift bags and put them on my bed. One by one I dump them out and organize what items were given to me. Most were random snacks I enjoy. I shove them all in my nightstand. I was impressed with the amount of time I put everything away.

I walk into my bathroom and sit at the vanity Jimin had set up. Various k beauty products are spread across in an organized manner. I grab a cleanser and wash my face. Something about a hospital stay makes my skin break out. Thats the last thing I want to happen. I know being embarrassed by pimples is a juvenile thing, but imagine being next to the most beautiful humans with acne. I'd rather not.

Once my face is washed I grab a face mask and apply it. My pores feel tingling but it also feels nice. I put out a body towel and a hair wrap and press my shower on. Hot steam almost instantly fills the room. I sigh at the feeling of the warm air hitting my skin. I step into my shower and lay down in the middle of the shower.

I could fall asleep here it's so warm. I close my eyes and relax under the steam and hot water. Feeling all of my worries wash away. I can finally think clearly. The silence was beautiful. It's not that being around the boys is bad or anything but sometimes I forget I'm my own separate person.

A million thoughts fill my head. I guess that makes sense. So much has happened in such little time. I don't know if all the answers are right, what if the paths I'm choosing are wrong? I put my hands on my stomach. I have two lives forming. I can't say having a baby was in the plans when I signed that contract, let alone two. It would figure that a rare occurrence would happen to me. I'm not even fully sure if I'm happy with this outcome.

I wipe the face mask off of my face and sit with my knees pulled to my chin. The water drenches my hair. I can feel the knots from lack of brushing while in a hospital. I sigh standing up grabbing a hair brush and my shampoo, conditioner. Sitting back down I gently brush at my snarls, followed by massaging shampoo into my scalp.

Once I finish washing my hair I lay back in the hot water relaxing. "Dae-Su huh?" I whisper. A smile forms on my face. Yoongi wants to name a boy Dae-Su." Jimin didn't give many opinions other than not Dae-Su. I sigh thinking about how the future will look.

Will the others want to stay with me? What will we tell Benson? Will I end up with just Yoongi or Jimin? Will I end up with only Yoongi and Jimin? Will things change between everyone? What if Jin comes back and doesn't want to be involved? The questions were eating me alive.

I step out of the shower and turn it off. Grabbing my towel and hair wrap wiping myself dry, I wrap the towel around my body and walk over to my bed. Being alone has some advantages, like sprawling out on your entire king size bed. I lay there in my towel and smile to myself.

I reach for my headphones and press the play button on my phone. The Juice Wrld song "righteous" fills my ears. I close my eyes and stretch. Letting the beat flow through my ears and relax me. There's something about songs that can explain exactly how I feel inside that make me feel almost high from them.

The self care and self reflection was much needed. I love being with the boys. They make me happy, but sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself as an individual person. I never have time for myself. In ways thats okay, because I'm always in my own head when alone, but in other ways it isn't great.

AN: It's wild to think it's been 3 years since Juice WRLD passed away. I know this isn't a Juice WRLD book but this chapter is for him. He was my baby before BTS (he'll forever be my love 😭) . When I think of what Juice WRLD talked about it was a lot of self love and self care, while also battling mental illness/addiction and that spoke so heavily to me when in my darkest times. Also without him you wouldn't be here reading this because he is how I found BTS. I might update more later. But here you go Juice this self care chapter is 100% for you. I hope your fans are making you proud and you realize what a change you made to so many of us. 999. 

If you found this chapter boring I'm sorry 😭 I needed to honor him today 😭🖤