We fell apart again

I won't let you in

Hi there! How are you doing? I hope that you're well. This time I'm coming back with hopefully longer chapter. I'm actually still undecided about how they will meet, IF they meet. But I guess we will just have to wait and see.

As always.. thank you so much for reading, voting, commenting. It lights up my day and makes me feel motivated for more writing. AND if you have ANY ideas, please comment down below. Plus, I ran out of EdSer stuff to read so please give me some recommendations.

I really appreciate you. Get yourself comfortable or get some hot chocolate.

Yours truly, Emka💖

Eda

I live in Turkey. Again. I thought that I would never live here again, especially after how things ended, it's true.

I left him. I left Serkan Bolat.

But he wanted me to leave, he was always furious, yelled at me and acted like a workaholic robot. Maybe even worse than that.

But I wouldn't say that Serkan Bolat broke my heart. He didn't. He just took it. Or maybe that's how broken heart feels like...
Like if you have no heart at all.

Anyways, I'm here, in Turkey, to work and spend more time with my friend Selin and her family.

Work has been great. I love being a surgeon. Not that being an architect was not life changing or a good job. But saving lives, helping families, giving them more time with their loved one is the best job ever. I wish I could help everyone. Actually it's the only joy I can feel. And that can make me a workaholic sometimes. Even though I hate that word.

I work with doctor Dhilek. She's a great boss and friend. She keeps an eye on me so that I don't over-work and that I actually spend more time with Selin.

She actually asked me to stay with her and her little family in her apartment. I decided to stay with them. I am literally forced to see them every day as soon as I get out of my room. I get to binge watch tv shows with Selin, play with Serkan,... and just spend more time with them.

Actually Selin sometimes uses me to babysit Serkan while she goes shopping, but I don't mind.

Maybe you are thinking: "why is this such a messy monologue?". Because I have been trying to fall asleep for hours and it's impossible.

I'm laying on a bed, in room that Selin decorated for me. It's 2:30am. Everyone is asleep, whole Istanbul is asleep. But my thoughts don't let me fall asleep. Maybe my insomnia is back.

Serkan

My mom hasn't been feeling well. She always calls me even tho I never pick up. I'm at work. We have many projects and many huge projects worldwide. And she wants me to come to her house and drink tea with her. That's ridiculous.

I have so many other things I have to do. Engin is on maternity leave and Pyril always runs home to check on her baby. Ugh babies.

I haven't thought about babies in long time. I wanted to have family with her, I wanted to fight a little about which names we would give even if I didn't really care. I would be the happiest person alive. But I can't have kids due to the stupid cancer. Is that why I pushed her away? To give her a chance of having a family and being happy even though without me?

Maybe yes or maybe no.

What are you doing Serkan?, focus on your work. That's what I tell myself every time I think of her.

Eda

My insomnia was back. After I left Serkan and lived in Italy and so on, I wasn't feeling well and I had many sleepless nights. Many sleepless nights plus overthinking equals craziness so yeah. It was hard. But I got through it. My friends and family helped. And Selin became my friend and now I'm in her house. If you would have told me about this I would laugh out loud in your face. But that's the true now that's how my world really looks like.

Because of Serkan I had a lot of sleepless nights, depression and few months after we broke up I found out I was pregnant. But I also lost my lovely aunt due to shooting right in front of my eyes and I wanted to help her, I really did. But there was nothing I could have done to save her. Nothing. And because being unhealthy with depression and insomnia and the shock I went through when they killed my aut I lost the baby. I wanted to have the baby as a bittersweet reminder of my love with Serkan. But no. The God or universe or however you want to call it took my only hope, my kid. Our kid. I wanted to tell Serkan, but it would be stupid an useless wouldn't it?

Get out of my head already Serkan! The door to my heart has been closed and now I'm closing the door to my brain too. I want to forget you.

Okay I really need to stop thinking about him, about the past. I just have to close my eyes and hold them real tight. Goodnight

Hey guys! Sorry it took so long, but trust me now I have more inspiration for stories, I would say I went through a lot. Thanks for reading. See you next time!

E ❤️