Rumbling Up That Hill [Attack on Titan Songfics]

Loving Can Hurt, Sometimes (Armin x Annie)

LThe little blonde girl in the picture sat on her father's lap. Neither of them smiled. Her eyes were sullen. His lips were in a thin, grim line. They did not look like each other. They did not look like family.

Armin frowned too, and returned the photograph into the small chest which he found among his late father-in-law's belongings. It was the only photograph he'd seen of a young Annie with her adopted father. Annie had often said that she'd forgiven him. But at night, especially after his death, Armin would sometimes hear her cry herself to sleep.

Pain, Armin learned, came in waves. Sometimes, the waves were calm and you could ride over them seamlessly. But Annie's trauma was like a storm that arrived out of the blue, knocking her boat over when she was already at her most vulnerable.

"You found it."

Armin gasped and turned around. Annie slowly sat beside him, placing her hand on his shoulder. She was seven months pregnant. Her hair, which she used to keep in a knot, now fell bare over her shoulders, and her eyes were softer than ever. She took Armin's hand and pressed it gently on her swollen belly. Armin felt the baby kick, and a rush of warmth filled his heart.

"It's a girl," the doctor had said during their last check-up. Armin and Annie had agreed to name her Mina Zoe, and hoped that she would get along with Mikasa and Jean's one-year-old daughter, Sasha.

"Armin," she was saying now. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" Armin whispered.

Annie looked like she was about to cry, but then she closed her eyes. She opened them, and there was a calm chill to her expression that made Armin shudder. She must've spent her whole childhood like this, stifling her tears.

"I don't know how to be a mother."

"Oh, Annie. I lost my parents too."

"Not the way I did."

That was true. And he also had a grandfather who loved him. While he read books and dreamt of seas and ran around with Mikasa and Eren, Annie was overworked and overtrained. Love was a language that she still struggled to read.

"You'll be a great mom," Armin reassured. "You'll be giving little Mina Zoe everything you never had. That way, your inner child would heal too."

Annie was thinking. "I hope so." She sighed. "I still love my father, you know."

"I know."

"And sometimes, loving can hurt." She reached for the chest, took out the photograph, and stared at it. Armin stared at her. There was very little difference between the girl in the picture and the woman now seated beside him.

"But you're different," she said. "You always have been. Even when I was at my worst...you saw something good." She looked at him. "Up to now, it's hard for me to believe in the good intentions of people. But it's something I keep on learning from you."

Armin put his arm around her and kissed her. "Never mind, Annie," he promised. "When our daughter comes, let's take pictures of everything. And when she grows up, we'll show her a compilation of them. She'll be grateful for her childhood, for all the great memories we'll have together. We can't rewrite the past, love. You can't undo the trauma and we can't find our parents. But we can find good parents in ourselves, as long as we keep on moving forward."

Annie was quiet for awhile. Tears were streaming down her face. But then she chuckled and wiped them. Armin thought about how far they'd come. How much she'd thawed. How different they were from all those years ago, yet some things would never change, thankfully enough. Annie was smiling at Armin at last, and she returned his kiss.