Music Shorts

#6

Pano - Zack Tabudio

"Choose me or your family?"
"From where in the world you're coming up with my family? It's between us."
"Don't you know why it's between us? It's because of your dumbass family members who don't know how to crawl on their feet without your hella help."
"Jev, you're taking it too far. And who are you to speak about my family?"
"I'm your boyfriend whose life is totally getting ruined because of you, sorry your-"
"Stop it , Jev. If your bring family stuffs again, this will be the end I swear."

Jev stops for a while and looks at me straight. He grins. Tears in her eyes illuminate by the reflection of dim light of street lights.

I know what have said but I know it's not what I meant. Family and him, Jev are similar important to me. Similarly trusted, relied, loved. But putting them on balance is the last thing I want to do in my life. Why are you making me choose, Jev? You know me, my feelings. Don't you? Scold me, punish me, ignore me. But why are making me do this. I can't live without you, neither with my mom, my sis and my brother. You guys are all I have. Why?

"This is all I was asking for. I can't live being anyone's second priority."
"You're not my second priority."
" I see. I've heard you enough. I need answer." He points his finger on me.

I don't know what to say. I stare at his eyes. His eyes were always full of something that gave me reliance. But today I see something else. It's anger, rage and hate. You hate me, Jev? You can't hate me, Jev. Jev, you can read me, my eyes. Please read words, understand me. You know I'm bold. I will always say something that I don't want to say and you don't want to hear.

"I need answer, Aeyhi."
"You know I'll always choose my family. What did you guess?"

Yeah, I'm not showing attitude. Its not for that. My family need me. My mom is too alone without me. My siblings, they need someone to take care them. We need money to pay our rents. I know if I choose him. He'll take me somewhere far; from where I can't reach my family. He says what he means. I'm sorry Jev. I love you. Will love you forever.
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It's been years since then. 3 years so far. I was in college then. Now I'm uni last year. Did I forget you, Jev? You were my drug on which my life relied on. You were my addiction which reliefs me from all unwanted and unfulfilled dares and desires. It's hard to get over drugs and addiction but once one gets over, it's become nothing but intoxication. Yeah intoxication. You've leaved but your intoxication left.

I don't write diaries. I used to write once. The last entry was on 4/12/2018. And since then today is another entry. After all these years again on 4/12/2022.

I don't know why I texted Jev after all these years wishing him happy birthday. I shouldn't listen to Kalick. That guy always puts me danger. But he gave me assurance that Jev has changed and wanted me back. He regrets his decision and making me feel bad.
Still now Jev, none knows you better than me. I knew You haven't changed slightly. Fucking Jev. I hate you so much. But I miss you. I hate my feelings. Why am I so silly?

Fuck my mf bestie. She's another piece in the world. She should've stopped me. Indeed, that bitch was the cheerleader. It's not her fault. She believed he has changed.

And the screwed one,me. I know he won't change. I've seen his heart breaking eyes that day. His shaking voice. Trembling hands. It hit him badly. He's man of word. He won't change.

He knows how to break me. Don't you, Jev? You're my love and my dread. Who knows me better than me, you idiot? You could've blocked me as soon as you got my text. No you didn't. You manipulate me. I hate you.