Fading

Chapter 14 - Home

Author's Note: This is the last chapter. Padme is being... meh. But Obi-Wan is, at least, genuinely trying now. :):):)

Will we do a sequel? Possibly. Maybe. I'm not sure. But no promises.

Thank you all so much for reading, voting, and/or commenting on this story! :D

~ Amina Gila

Being so close with Obi-Wan for so long is draining. It certainly doesn't help when all he can see every time he tries is Mustafar. But that's not what's on his mind now. Instead, he's going to talk to Padme, which he never feels ready to do anymore. Palpatine had told him that he sensed her intended betrayal, and... Anakin doesn't want to believe it, but what if Palpatine was right? He can't tell the difference between truth and lies anymore. Obi-Wan lied to him, too. He used him, even if he didn't do it to be cruel or anything. It doesn't change the facts.

It doesn't change that Anakin hasn't been able to trust him in at least a year – he's lost track of time. He wouldn't be able to talk to Obi-Wan at all if he didn't know his master already knew everything.

He can't... trust people anymore. It's very, very hard to be vulnerable with anyone, to try opening up anymore. He can't say exactly when it changed. So many things happened so fast, all run together, but there was Zygerria and Hardeen right after, and Ahsoka left only a few months after that, and Anakin found himself growing farther and farther apart from everyone he loved. So, no, even talking to Padme isn't easy anymore.

It certainly doesn't help that she's still recovering, and she may have survived, but she's not in a good place right now.

The recovery is taking far longer than it ought to be, and Anakin finds that he blames himself for it, but also – unfairly – blames her. Because he warned her, and he tried as hard as he could, but she wouldn't listen to him. Trying to help her even is... awkward, because it doesn't feel like he deserves her, but Obi-Wan is right about him being able to trust Padme not to hurt him. He just... can't help it, and then he sometimes feels bad for that, too, and it's trapping him in a vicious cycle.

"You seemed quite upset with Obi-Wan this morning," Padme remarks. He swallows back the instant frustration that flares inside him, because she seems to trust Obi-Wan more than him in some way he can't begin to make sense of. And maybe she should but it still hurts.

"We fought, that's all," Anakin replies, looking away.

"You've been doing it an abnormal amount," she says, "I haven't forgotten what he did to you either, but he did just lose the only life he knew."

She has no idea. Obi-Wan never explained about the time travel thing to anyone else, and Anakin can't blame him. It does fuel his guilt even farther, though. He has never, not once, walked out on Obi-Wan before, no matter what he's doing. "I know."

Absently, Anakin lightly prods the wound on his side. It's still... there. They were never able to get a bacta tank to heal in here, no thanks to the bacta shortage caused by the war, not without raising questions. So, yes, the stab wound is presently raw and swollen from Sidious ripping it open again, and Anakin has been going to extensive lengths to hide it from Padme and Ahsoka because he doesn't want them to get upset at Obi-Wan for it. He just doesn't understand why that never seems to matter.

"I know what he's going through," Anakin repeats, turning away, "I try to help him. I..."

"That didn't really look like help, Ani."

"What was I supposed to do?" he snaps – he can't help it. "Just let him tell me how useless I am?" Sometimes, he is so tired of everything. He almost wishes he weren't here.