Viper House

Sins of His Father

The only reason I slept that week was because of the drugs I bought off Julian. I met Kaylan over the weekend to get more money for drugs. My father, so far, acted as though I had never walked in his door. I didn't catch him abusing Spencer or my mom. Then again, I was slowly falling deeper and deeper into a drug stupor.

Spencer acted the same way as my father. He'd hide in his room except to go to school or to get food. I did the same, only I stayed in mine to get high. I'd shoved all of the shit that was in it into the closet and stacked it the best I could. It felt like I was going to suffocate in there.

Mom tiptoed around Dad, only speaking to ask if he needed another drink. I avoided her when I could. Even high, she pissed me off.

One night, I stood staring out the grimy window at the moon. I wondered if Lauren and Elijah had given up on trying to find me or if they were still fighting for me. I wondered if they were going to throw me into jail and then kick me to the curb when they found me. Truthfully, I hoped that they all just forgot about me. Then I wouldn't have to wonder. It was better for us all if they would just let me go.

I moved away from the window and sat down on the edge of the worn couch that was my bed. I opened my kit and prepped a needle. As I pressed it against my skin, I heard my father's drunken footsteps on the stairs. I pressed the plunger as they started in my direction, and I prayed the drugs got into my system before he reached me.

I took the tourniquet off my arm and put the kit away quickly as he reached the door and stumbled through it. I swallowed hard, closing my eyes and feeling my body relax as the drugs started to take hold.

I didn't feel my father's vile hands push me back. I didn't feel him jerk my pants off. I didn't feel him as he violated me. I didn't feel anything. I kept my eyes shut. Thoughts swirled through my head, but I couldn't grasp onto any of them. My body was warm, tingly. Everything else just disappeared.

As did my father eventually.

I lay there in silence after he left. Numb. It was a feeling I wished I'd felt all those years ago. Having feelings, having emotions, was overrated. All it ever caused was pain. Who wanted to live a life of pain? Who wanted to be miserable for their entire lives when there were things that could make you never feel sadness or pain again? Well, if you didn't run out of them.

I got up and pulled my pants back on. I yanked a sweatshirt over my head before I meandered down the hall and out the front door.

I pulled out the pack of cigarettes I'd bought from around the corner from Julian's hideout. They never carded there. As I walked, I lit the cigarette and kept my head down. I hadn't remembered the bus station being so far, but it seemed like it took forever to get there.

I sat down on a bench, my body sagging as I took small drags of the cigarette. I was back in the place I swore I would never return to. There was a darkness creeping in around me. It was a darkness I thought I had shed when I was in juvie. Maybe it had never truly gone away. Maybe it had always been there lurking, waiting for me to fuck up. When I did, it didn't hesitate to pounce.

A bus crawled to a stop in front of me. Its doors creaked open, and an old man sat behind the wheel. He said something, but I couldn't comprehend what it was. I dropped my cigarette to the ground and climbed on. I dug in my pocket and handed a crumpled bill over. He looked at it and we both knew that it wasn't enough. He looked at me before he jerked his head for me to get a seat.

I slouched down in a seat a few back from him. There were only a couple of other people on the bus. I had no idea what time it even was.