Viper House

Tired of Games

 It was two in the morning when the door opened again. I lifted my head, squinting at the person who had walked in. My sleep schedule had been so fucked for the past two and a half years. Elijah dropped my file back on the table in front of me. I groaned and sat up, sliding down in the chair.

The drugs that Bella had given me had taken away some of the withdrawal symptoms. I hadn't been as sober as I was at that moment for almost three months. It felt like it'd been longer than that. Time seemed to pass slower when I was on the streets.

"Starting to get worried? You have seven hours to get something out of me," I told Elijah.

He hadn't brought his partner with him. He clasped his hands in front of him, looking at me. I wondered who was in the other room keeping an eye on us in case I somehow managed to get out of the cuffs and attack him. I had no intention of doing that, but they didn't know that.

"You're not?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Prison or the streets. Both sound like a lovely way to spend the rest of my life."

"Rafe," he said with a sigh, running a hand over his face, "what the hell do I have to do in order for you to see that there are a lot of other options?"

"I don't want to go back to rehab," I told him. "There aren't any other options."

"Sometimes we have to do shit that we don't want to do," Elijah said as he looked at me. "Do you want to become the person that your father is, or do you want to do better?" I held his gaze for a moment before I looked away. "Have you taken a look in the mirror lately, Rafe? Because you look like shit. You worked hard to be able to graduate on time and to give yourself a fucking future. Are you really going to throw that away for a guy who is going to screw you over the instant he sees you as a threat?"

I closed my eyes as my legs started bouncing again. They thought that they all knew what it was like. They all thought they knew the type of person that Julian was. I had worked hard to get on Julian's good side when I was fifteen. That was why he'd taken me back so easily. They didn't know that while it took little to break his trust, he was always willing to accept a former member back if they were willing to prove their worth.

"Is Maia here?" I asked, pressing a finger down on the tape around the bandage on my left hand. "She told you about Kaylan. I know she did. Is she here now? Are you going to ask her to come in here and try to persuade me like you did Bella?"

"You letting Bella help you, Rafe, is a sign that you weren't done fighting," Elijah told me.

I looked up at him now. "That wasn't the question that I asked."

Elijah sighed. "She's asleep in the waiting room. We told her to leave, but she wouldn't. She hasn't been able to forgive herself."

"It's not on her."

"And we've told her that. She keeps thinking that since she's the one who let you leave that night, then she's the one who should be punished. The only thing that would have stopped you that night would have been if you were restrained like you are now, isn't it?"

I hadn't thought about that. If Maia had really pushed, and I mean really pushed, would I have still gone to do Julian's dirty work? Would I have called Elijah for help? Would I have reached out for help if I had been in a better mental state? If I hadn't been so afraid of what backlash I would face?

I'd spent almost my entire life worrying about how people would react when I said or did something. It hadn't started until my dad's abuse started. Then I started worrying about what people would think. Would they be mad? Sad? Would they take me away from my family? What would happen to me? What would happen to Spencer? My parents? Then I became an addict and, at first, I didn't want people to know. Then, the drugs took over and I didn't give a shit, but after rehab, I wondered how people would react when they found out. Would they think I was weak? That I couldn't be trusted? That I was a loose cannon? Would it keep me from getting a job or from having a real family?