My Heart Beats Again

Part 6 ~ A Fugitive's Pardon

"That wasn't my mother," I sobbed. "She would've never sworn at me. She wouldn't talk to me like that."

Hokil had his arms wrapped around me, and I clung to them tightly. "She's not like that. She loves me." I sputtered. I cried for a long time.

Hokil rocked me back and forth and didn't say a word. Eventually I was too tired to cry anymore and I just sat in his lap, defeated. I listened to his heartbeat, and eventually I felt a calm wash over me.

I stood up and attempted to walk over to an armchair off to the right and I of course fell. Using my arms I pulled myself into it and met Hokil's eyes. I was a bit surprised he didn't immediately pick me up when I fell, but as I looked at him, he had pity in his eyes.

"Don't look at me like that." I whispered, but couldn't find it in myself to be angry at him. I felt so defeated.

"Bani," he said my name tentatively.

"What?" I snapped. My head was hurting again and everything felt wrong. How is this happening? How could mom do this to me?

"You have been so fragile ever since you woke up, I didn't feel like I should tell you. But a lot of things have happened in the past 5 years."

"Tell me," I demanded immediately.

"But you need to rest, and I'm afraid it will distress you," He protested hesitantly.

"Hokil," I said firmly. "Whatever happened, it is my right to know. If you ever want me to trust you, you need to tell me the truth."

Hokil let out a slow, steady breath and stared at the floor.

"The truth."

He was silent for a bit, and it seemed as if he was working up the courage to talk to me.

"Well, Bani, you are a fugitive."

"I'm a what?" I stared wide-eyed at him. This man loves to say the most outrageous things. First I'm his wife, and now I'm a fugitive? He just nods his head.

"That's impossible." My breath started to get heavy. "I am NOT a fugitive. There's no way I-" Hokil placed my phone in my hand.

"Google yourself." I looked to his face, trying to find a lie in it. "Go on," he prompted. "It's a secure engine, you have nothing to worry about."

So I take it from him and type my name into the web.

"See, I told you," I said triumphantly. I turned the screen towards him to show him that it had come up with no results. Rather than saying anything, he reached over and took it from me, typing something.

"You don't have the same name anymore," He said.

"Here." He handed it back, and I gave him a skeptical glance before I pressed enter.

"Bani Stenali, 1,709 results," I read aloud. And I stare at the screen, unblinking. I begin to scroll through slowly, and see news articles with my name in them. Some of them had a dark, low resolution picture which claimed to be me.

"Impossible," I whispered. I turned my head slowly to look at Hokil again. "You're telling me I-" I hesitated. I still don't fully trust him. "I got caught?"

The most awful thing happened. He barely reacted. There was no horror, no disgust, no amazement. The only thing shown on his face was sympathy. "You're not surprised?" I asked, realizing that I myself was the surprised one.

"Of course not. Why would I be?" He was implying that he knew because he married me. My chest grew tight as for the very first time I started to believe that this might be true.

"How did I get caught?" I asked, trying to distract my overwhelmed mind. Hokil grew silent. His eyes drifted to the ground again.

"It was all my fault." His voice was full of sorrow. "We were hitting a number together and I messed up." He buried his face in his hands. "I still haven't forgiven myself and I don't think I ever will."

Feeling like a mother who caught her child with his hands in the cookie jar, I narrow my eyes at him.

"How did you mess up?" I ask him.

"I let her get away," he says, and his voice cracks. Sympathy floods my brain, but I do my best to keep my tone neutral.

"Elaborate."

"It was Mastriano Cordero. Do you remember him?" I shake my head slowly. The name is foreign to me. Hokil closes his eyes and breathes deeply.

"We were tailing him for nearly a year. He was our priciest number so far." I cross my arms and lean forward.

"For a year? What took so long?" Hokil sighs and rolls his eyes.

"The client was emotionally involved and had difficulties finalizing the order. He also wasn't sure if he wanted two marks or one. Just Mastriano, or his girlfriend as well. He finally decided on one target, so we approached him when he rented a cheap hotel, easy to infiltrate."

Hokil paused for a moment, and his voice got softer. "This is where it goes wrong. When we entered their room, they were having sex."

"How is that the problem?" I interrupted. "It's particularly easy to kill in this moment, they are at their most vulnerable."

"Darling, I know." He smiled sadly at me. "But we only had one mark."

"So you drug and separate them," I say with annoyance. Hokil is acting like a total novice right now.

"I did, I mean WE did. But this is when the actual problem arises. You shot Mastriano and bagged him as I cleaned the scene. You were in the car already when she woke up."

"She woke up?" I exploded. "What drug did you use?"

"GCMS intensified chloroform via syringe, per usual." Hokil looked offended that I would imply he use anything else.

"And she woke up? You must have messed up somehow." Hokil shakes his head furiously.

"I couldn't have. No." He sounds angry now. "She woke up somehow, and I didn't know what else to do so I-" He rubs his face furiously. "I had sex with her. She didn't even know who I was, nor did she care. It was the only thing I could think of to keep her from asking where Mastriano was. And you waited in the car for me." Hokil's voice broke again.

"The police were waiting outside, and you were taken into custody. You waited for me the whole time and you got ambushed." A heavy silence falls between us, as I sit there and let my thoughts simmer for a bit.

"Nice story," I say finally. "But there is no way that happened."

"Bani, I wish it didn't, but it did."

"There are a few things you underestimated about me," I go on, ignoring him. "One, I never hit foreigners. Two, I never get caught. And three," I raise myself shakily to my feet. "I always work alone."

Hokil looks intensely into my eyes, and I refuse to break eye contact with him first. His hazel eyes glimmer like the wisps of a flame, and I start to feel a bit shy. But I still won't look away.

"You are the one that underestimated me, Bani. I am the only person that was able to change that." My heart starts beating faster, and somehow I feel threatened by his words.

He stands and leans over to me, picking me up gently. For the first time I don't fight him for it. He carries me all the way back to the bedroom, cradled against his chest, and I can hear his steady heartbeat again.Placing me in the bed, he sits facing me with his arm still hanging on my waist, still looking into my eyes.

"One day, Bani, you will remember. You'll remember us, and then you will understand it all. He leans forward and places a light kiss on my forehead, then stands up and heads for the door.

"Wait," I call after him. He stops. "You still haven't told me how I fell into a coma." He doesn't turn around, instead opens the door.

"That is a story for another time, love," He says over his shoulder. "Rest, I will call the doctor."

And with that, he leaves.