No Reservations: Ryan's Version (A Romantic Comedy)

Chapter 4

1999

***How to lose the female friend you're madly in love with in ten easy steps...***

1) Work up the nerve to ask her to prom. And, when she says yes, panic that it's only a "pity yes" and make sure she thinks you're only going as friends, lest she think you feel more and changes her mind about actually going with you. Because on prom night you're going to finally tell her how you feel and damned with the consequences. (Never mind the fact you could - um, I don't know - tell her right now!)

2) Spend the next few weeks in the lead-up to the big night in a feverish panic; constantly running lines in your head, struggling to work out the best way to tell her that you're in love with her. Hopefully without completely freaking her out. And praying that the vibes you've been getting from her haven't been misguided and she feels the same.

3) At prom itself, while dancing with her, finally open your mouth to say the words, tell her how you feel, ask her out . . . Only to have Christine, the girl who kissed you at the Valentine's Day party, ask to cut in. Watch the girl you love back away to let it happen. As if you mean nothing to her.

4) Have Christine - who is still the only girl you've kissed, by the way - tell you that the girl you love told her there's nothing between you and her and you're just friends.

5) Abandon Christine on the dancefloor (not your finest hour) to go and find the girl you love. Only to hear her actually telling your worst enemy (Martin) that she's not interested in you like that. Game over.

6) Return to the dancefloor to apologise to Christine. When Christine goes in for the kiss again, you don't stop her. In fact, this time you respond enthusiastically. Albeit temporarily. Before the epiphany hits you: it doesn't matter if the girl you're in love with doesn't feel the same about you. You still need her in your life. Even if it's just as a friend.

7) Realise she's already left the prom and rush home to find find her on her doorstep.

8) Suspect from the awkward conversation that ensues that she's not only not interested in you, but she's also done with your friendship. You think about explaining the kiss but . . . What's the point? You literally heard it from her own mouth that she didn't like you that way. Whatever her problem is, it doesn't seem to be that.

9) Lie awake all night, unable to sleep until you watch her leave for her grandparents' house. Having a sinking feeling, soon to be proved correct, that you're never going to see her again . . . And needing to have one last glimpse of her.

10) Duck out of sight as she swings around suddenly to glance up at your bedroom window. Your heart pounding, listening to the crunch of gravel as the car pulls away and she leaves your life for good.

(Bonus 11th step that can be added to any or all steps above. Over-think everything.)

I suppose my biggest mistake was falling for Iona in the first place. And then daring to believe she might actually be starting to feel the same way about me.

But the heart wants what it wants and while mine wanted her, her heart clearly felt differently. And I certainly couldn't blame her for that.

For weeks after prom though, I heard her words replay in my head, as if on a loop, taunting me.