No Reservations: Ryan's Version (A Romantic Comedy)

Chapter 21

2016

After Iona walked away from the possibility of us once again, I sat in silence for a few minutes. Then I stood up, and took my frustration out on the pillow fort, ripping it apart, launching cushions across the room. The whole gesture seemed so fucking pointless now; what had it even achieved?

Iona clearly wanted me as much as I wanted her, but she was letting something I had apparently done 17 years ago stop her . . . And I had no idea what it was.

Leaving the remains of the now-defeated fort on the ground, I decided bed would be the best option. But sleep evaded me. So I dragged my brain back to prom. I didn't really want to remember that night, but I had no choice if I wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery.

I remembered going searching for Iona, and reaching the open door just as I'd heard the words that always stuck in my memory.

"It's not like I'm in to Ryan anyway, we're just friends. She's welcome to him."

The words had churned up my stomach at the time. With hindsight, I now realised that she might not have actually meant them. That actually, she might have been trying to save face in front of Martin. She had said I'd broken her heart, after all.

But what had I done that she couldn't forgive? I knew kissing Christine hadn't been my cleverest idea, but I didn't really get a say in that. I could have stopped it sooner, to be fair, but it didn't seem this was the deal-breaker.

I let myself recall sitting next to her on the doorstep later that night, feeling the change in the air. The waves of frostiness emanating from her. She'd looked the same as she had just a few hours ago, but somehow she was no longer the same person, and I knew it. And I'd had absolutely no idea what to say, what to do, to even try to fix it.

And here I was again, back at square one.

As I tossed and turned, and fitfully drifted in and out of consciousness, the storm died down, breathing its last windy gasps around me, until everything outside was calm and peaceful again. Then the sun rose, bright in the cool blue sky, birds chirped happily, and life went on as normal.

And yet nothing felt normal to me.

I headed down to the loch for a swim, wanting to immerse myself in the cold, and temporarily allow myself the pleasure of not thinking. It was needed.

The power had been restored early doors, much to my relief, and after I'd showered and dressed, I headed to the main building to check on the work being done. It was all still on-track to be completed before we re-opened, so that at least was one less thing to worry about.

But, as I left the hotel, I ran into my biggest worry.

Iona.

"Hey," I managed. I didn't feel equipped to deal with her right now.

Her wild hair had been subdued into a knot on top of her head. She looked paler than usual and her eyes and the tip of her nose were red - it looked as if she'd been crying. It was like someone had extinguished the lamp that usually lit her up from inside.

Doorstep Iona (circa 1999) was back.

"Hi." She barely spared me a glance. "Looks like everything's back up and running again, eh?" Her voice was coated in fake cheer, and its falseness winded me like a blow to the stomach.

"Seems to be," I said tightly. There was a long pause, and she looked like she was about to walk away again. But I had to say my piece. I couldn't let her get away with this.