ODE TO THE MURDERED, bonten

34

PART THIRTY-FOUR !
her true intentions ii.

           BY THE TIME HE WALKS IN your threshold, the deed has already been done. the corpse of your uncle is on the living room carpet and he finds you in your room, legs curled beneath you at the edge of your bed, swallowing your breaths.

    fuck, she's having a panic attack.

    Hanma is quick to approach you. "y/n." he says your name softly, like he's speaking to a frightened animal. he washes his golden eyes over your figure, his calm heart pacing at your distress. and for a moment since he'd met you in that graveyard—Hanma Shuji, a grim reaper and a boy who always conquests for thrill feels nothing but absolutely pity for you.

   pity about your dead brother that gave you solitude, about your unconditional and one-sided love towards the notorious Izana Kurokawa that came and went, and now the fury and betrayal towards your long time family member that raised you, a person with absent parents. he couldn't have imagined the unbridled loneliness that is burning your bones right now, it must've been suffocating.

    he kneels himself in front of you. poor girl.

    a girl who grew up too fast, a girl who clung to misery and watched her life get thrown and ripped to shreds in front of her. it's the first time since he'd met you in front of Kisaki's grave, that beneath that irritating, hypocritical exterior of yours was nothing but a barren girl who wants her older brother back.

    who wants love and solidarity.

   Hanma instinctively reaches out, clasps both his hands with yours, and he feels your body tremble beneath his palm.

    "hey—"

    "i killed him." you whisper, gasping out a breath as fat tears roll down your cheeks, hanging at the edge of your chin. "i just killed someone—"

    "hey, hey Kisaki-san, look at me. you're okay, you're fine, you did it for your brother." he cannot tell why he's coaxing you, "look at me, follow me okay? watch how i breath in and out, you'd do that for me, right?"

    you paused a moment, nodded then measured your breaths, mimicking Hanma's actions as he slowly inhales then exhales: after awhile your palpitating heart relaxes, the dizziness in your head seizes and the electricity pattering your skin vanishes, all that's left was the unrelenting tears and a wave of empty sorrow stuck between your rib cage.

    "you did well, the plan we came up with was a success, good job." Hanma whispers reassurance, caressing your hand slowly, fondly, watching you beneath his lidded eyes as you slowly crack and break.

    he concluded that his heart twists sickeningly when you cried. i don't want to see this girl so sad, is what he thought when your tears rolled down his thumb, shining like a diamond.

     this girl, really. there was a tug in his chest, something constricting, then tickles at the edges. he is suddenly dizzy himself, the temptation to lean closer and touch you burning him alive from the inside. Hanma releases your shoulders, proceeding to wrap it around your body gently and gathering you softly onto his chest, his nose buried at the top of your head as he draws circles on your back.

"good job." he whispers again.

your heart is a wreck in your chest. maybe because there's this feeling of burning loneliness within you that you didn't move when Hanma pulls you into his embrace, didn't protest when you feel his lips on your forehead, murmuring reassurances—maybe at this very moment all you felt was the greed, the temptation to quench the loneliness with, his touches.