The Chance To Be With You [B1A4 Fanfiction]

Chapter 19: Because You're You

          "Something on your mind?" Jinyoung wondered one afternoon. We were sitting outside while he was strumming his guitar. He had just finished playing for the children and now it was only the two of us. "You've seemed to be distracted a lot lately."

          I couldn't deny that. I guess I was worried more than usual. My mother was usually the first thing on my mind. She seemed to treat me with more indifference than before and I was concerned about what that could possibly mean. Or maybe that was just my mother. Maybe she was just like that and I never knew. I never really paid that much attention to her.

          "Just my mother," I sighed as I looked at the people who were walking back and forth. "You know she's not doing well and I just...I'm just worried about her."

          "Did you talk to her?"

          "Talk to her? I can't talk to her," I said shaking my head. "The words wouldn't be able to come out, they'll just be mumbled and it's just...awkward."

          "How about writing a letter then?" Jinyoung wondered. He placed his guitar on his lap and turned to look at me. "Sometimes when it's awkward to say things aloud, writing a letter is a good way to express what you want to say, a heartfelt letter. Kind of like a song, you know? Songs are heartfelt words that the writer wants to say to someone."

          "I've never written a letter in my life," I admitted. "I wouldn't know what to write."

          "But that's the beauty of a letter." Jinyoung gave me a simple smile. "Try it, you might be surprised with what you discover of yourself."

          That night I tried Jinyoung's idea. I sat down with my notebook open and a pen to see what thoughts came to me, to try and write a letter to my mother expressing the words that I couldn't but wanted to. I thought that if I was able to express it then maybe the weight that felt like it was on my shoulder would be relieved.

Mother... Mom...

          I stared at the blank page with only two words written at the top. The words sounded stupid. Even though they were only words to call my mother, it still felt stupid and weird. I had never written a letter in my life.

          When I laid my head on my desk to try and think of something that wasn't lame my phone rang. It was Jinyoung. I stared at the phone for a moment wondering why he was calling me. He didn't normally call me on the days that he saw me. And even then he would just call me once in a while and almost always during the day when I wasn't working. Therefore the first thing that entered my mind was that something was wrong. Did something happen with Jinyoung at the hospital and someone was using his phone to call me? Or was Jinyoung out taking a walk around the hospital and suddenly collapsed?

          "Hello?" I hesitantly asked picking up the phone.

          "Why do you sound so worried?" Jinyoung asked on the other line.

          "Huh?" I asked, slightly shocked that it was his voice I was hearing. I guess it was because I had been expecting the worst.

          "Is something wrong?"

          "No, nothing's wrong," I quickly said. "I was just surprised to see that you were calling me this late. What if I was sleeping?"

          "I know you're never asleep at this time. It's only eleven."

          "I guess that's true..." I muttered.

          "Is something wrong?"