a͟m͟b͟i͟v͟a͟l͟e͟n͟c͟e͟ - espresseleine au

Dinner/Espresso is brave 😱

I straightened my tie, feeling as nervous as possible. I was not keen in the least, however, to unpack why  I was feeling that way. Meanwhile, I was wearing the only thing I owned that was fancier than my default outfit, the outfit Latte called my "Classy Ceremonial Suit."

Ricotta popped in to tell me, "Oh yeah, Madeleine says he's waiting for you outside. No need to go look for him in his room."

I waved him off, and he left just as quickly as he'd come. I had barely a moment to worry about the repercussions before my increasingly dominant heart got ahold of the reins again, and I went back to prepping. 

After spending a little bit of time getting ready, I headed down the stairs and met Madeleine outside. He offered me his arm and I took it, laughing as the hot feeling returned. "Such a gentleman! How do you do it?"

He laughed too. "Years of manners training as a child. Also, if you're wondering why I don't have my sword and shield, I decided to forgo them given that this is a pleasant evening, not a battle."

 I looked at him closer, for completely outfit-critiquing purposes and definitely not to admire his abs. This is completely rational and platonic of me. "Wait... are you dressed up fancier than usual?"

It's a testament to his character that he didn't make some remark like "Oh, you finally noticed?" and instead said, "Yeah! My mother gifted it to me. She calls it my Elegant Knight Vestments."

"It is an outfit befitting a commander such as you," I replied, bowing. When I straightened up, he was grinning like a fool, and I tried to ignore what that could possibly mean.

We walked the rest of the way to the restaurant, making idle chatter.

When we finally got there, the hostess directed us to a seat out on the patio. I tried to hide my smile as Madeleine went "Whoa..." 78 times over at the hanging fairy lights and other assorted decorations.

When he finally turned to me, his eyes were lit up like galaxies. "You picked this restaurant out for me? I love it!"

I smiled, probably the widest I've ever smiled, at his comment. "I'm glad you like it."

The waiter came by with the menus, and I thanked him as he left. Madeleine poured over his menu, eventually deciding on a steak.

"Hmm, I think I'll get the steak. What about you, Espresso?" he said, folding his menu and putting it down.

"I'm getting an espresso."

"With...?"

"With nothing. I only eat once every three days because food is necessary for sustenance. If it was up to me, I'd never eat. And besides, I haven't had a coffee in hours. I'll fall asleep at this rate."

Madeleine gasped. "No sleep? Minimum food? That'll kill you!"

I shrugged. "Honestly, I wouldn't really mind if it did."

He stared at me for a long time. "We'll continue this discussion later. I don't want to talk about why you're suicidal in front of like 15 other people."

"Technically it's not suicidal, it's not caring if I die."

He frowned, still concerned but willing to accept my request, which I felt thankful for. "See prior comment."

Despite the gratitude, I felt a weird mix of annoyed that he wanted to talk about this and touched that he cared enough to do it in a private setting.

Our food eventually arrived. We ate, idly chatting as we did. Well, Madeleine ate and I drank, but that's besides the point.

Eventually, we left after paying the bill. Madeleine led me to a small park a bit of a walk away to show me something .

We stopped at a lake that was sparkling in the moonlight. "Madeleine, this is amazing! How'd you find this?"

He smiled at my obvious giddiness. "I was wandering around the city one day shortly after arriving here and stumbled upon this park. It was during the day, and I returned later at night."

He turned to me. "Um, I wanted to talk about... the thing?"

I sighed. "Madeleine, I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die. I just don't care if I do. There's a difference."

He sighed before bear-hugging me and tucking his head between my neck and shoulder. my heart kicked into overdrive and the hot feeling returned times 10, but I curiously didn't move.

We stayed like that for an indeterminate amount of time before he pulled back, arms still on my shoulders with a look in his eyes I really didn't want to think about right now or I'd do something I would regret.

But think about it I did, and do something I would regret I also did, asI stood up on my tiptoes, sure I'd regret this, and kissed Madeleine lightly on the cheek.

Then I promptly turned tail and walked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Madeleine, wide-eyed, gingerly touch his cheek and say, "That wasn't very platonic..."

haha gayness go brrr