Treacherous - Theodore Nott

Chapter Nineteen

I silently jog down the stairs, wondering where to go.

I don't want to go to the dorm, I can't risk Astoria asking what's wrong. I need to get a grip on my emotions before I face anyone, especially her.

I suppose I can head to the Astronomy Tower. It's not quite late enough for Filch to be patrolling yet, so I should be left unbothered.

I've made my mind up by the time I reach the bottom, but before I can step out of the stairwell, a hushed voice calls my name behind me.

I turn around in reaction, but immediately turn back to continue on my way when I see it is Theodore who called me.

I can hear him gaining on me as I stalk through the bustling common room. Surely he won't do anything rash while we are surrounded by all of our companions.

I am swiftly proven wrong when he grabs my hand, forcing me to stop and face him. My breath catches in my throat at his sudden touch, and I silently hate myself for my body's reaction to this physical contact.

This same hand that had just grasped my arm, tying us together in one way or another forever.

A thin layer of perspiration begins to coat my palms, and I quietly pray for him to release my hand so he doesn't notice.

He, of course, does not.

I look up at him to find his eyes already locked on mine, gleaming with a look that's meaning I can't completely decipher.

"Can we talk, please?" He asks in a hushed tone.

I break our prolonged eye contact and look at my hand that he is so relentlessly holding onto. His hand easily encompasses mine, and his thumb is slowly moving back and forth across my skin.

I thank Merlin that my arms are covered by my robes, because I would be utterly horrified if he could see the light layer of goosebumps that I can feel sprouting.

Noticing my attention to this touch, he immediately stops, as if he hadn't even realized he had been doing it.

I look back at him and into his blue-gray eyes. They're a raging storm right now.

"I need to be alone for now, I think," I murmur back, pulling my hand from his.

He nods in acceptance, "I just want you to know I- we tried to keep you out of it."

"I know."

"But you really can't say anything. You don't know what he's like."

I shake my head in response, a bit confused by his now gentle demeanor.

How can he go from threatening to- dare I say- caring, at the drop of a hat? I will never understand.

With that I turn away from him and leave, and I know without looking back that he is watching me go.

                                   ———————————

My walk to the Astronomy Tower was fast. I was so lost in thought that my feet simply took me there without a thought from my brain.

The windows at the top have always brought me peace of mind, so I looked out.

I'm not entirely sure why more people don't come here. The view of the vast and sparkling lake, the whomping willow swaying quietly in the breeze, and the dark Forbidden Forest were all visible from this window.

The forest is especially calming to watch for me. The stillness from the outside is eerie, but everyone knows that despite its demeanor, darkness and shadows lurk under the thick canopy.

Just as the forest has its hidden stories, so does Hogwarts; as I unfortunately discovered today.

Despite some of my Gryffindor peers' beliefs on my character, I don't think anything could convince me to work for the Dark Lord.

I'm not naïve. I know a war is coming. I just haven't really thought much about where I would stand; if I would have to fight any of my friends, or if we'd all be on the same side.

The thought makes me nervous, so I usually push it away.

But now, I'm face to face with the biggest piece of information that could possibly change the outcome of the war, and I can't tell anyone.

Was I right to have made that vow? I suppose my death wouldn't have been much help either. I guess it doesn't matter, they ensured that the secret will stay with me one way or another.

I don't even really see a point in trying to get out of the vow, because they'll know it was me- and my whole family will be sentenced to death.

But at least I know I'm safe for now. Theodore's side of the vow will give me peace of mind for the time being at least.

I shudder, remembering the words we exchanged just an hour ago. His grip on my arm, the look in his eyes.

Something shifted then, I felt it when he grabbed my hand in the common room.

He's still the arrogant, annoying, hateful, bitter, lying asshole that has hated my family for as long as I can remember. I can see it when he snaps at me over little things, in his prejudice against all non-Slytherin's, and in what I now know to be his servitude to the Dark Lord. He isn't a good person.

And yet, I find myself wishing he was.