Bernice

35

May 30
Bernice,

I woke up from the hospital bed not knowing how I got there. I notice that I am hooked up to a machine. The last thing I remember I was getting the kids ready for them to see their dad. "You're awake." Trina noticed. I sat up and there is a pain in my belly that caused me to groan. Trina stood near me. "Be careful." She told me.

"What happened?" I asked. Trina sighed. She looked worried. I don't think it is about me being at the hospital. "You passed out on the way out of the house with Ashley in your arms." She told me. Passed out? How? "I knew you were tired and I told you not to go or at least let me drive y'all to see August. You refused." She continued.

I tried to jog back my memory but nothing came. "Do you know what made me faint?" I asked. "Stressed, tiredness, and something life-changing." She mysteriously said.

I hope I'm not sick. "What do you mean?" I asked. "I know that you and August aren't ready for this but it's happening." She avoided saying what it was. "Get to the point." I urged. "You're pregnant." She admitted.

I laughed. "You're joking right?" I asked. She stared at me. "I'm not. You really are." She confirmed. I was sure that I wasn't. I can't be. Not now. She left the room to get the doctor.

I'm in disbelief. How did this happen? Three kids while their father is in jail. What the fuck am I going to do?

I had to spend the night in the hospital. They had to make sure everything was ok with me and the baby. Apparently, I'm two months pregnant. I feel bad that I cussed August out. I should have listened to him. If I did I bet that I would not have been in the hospital.

When I told August, he was angry. It wasn't because I'm pregnant. It was because I refused to listen to him and put myself in the hospital as a result of that.

August's mom came over and bought some food. I told her the news. She was shocked. She assured me that she'll be there for me and the kids like she has always been. No matter how hard it is going to be I'll always have support.

While I've been away, Violet has been taking care of the kids. Trina has been with me throughout which is surprising. Knowing her she's not usually this caring.  The kids ran to me when I got back. "Mommy needs some rest." I said. "Are you okay?" Aaron asked. "Yes, I am." I sat down and Ashley climbed on top of me.

"You don't want to rest in your room." Trina said. "I'm ok here." I stated. I missed the company of my kids. I sat with them and we watched cocomelon. Aaron isn't into it but it's Ashley's favorite. Violet gave me food to eat and I didn't eat up to half of it. I have no appetite. This better not be a problem for this baby.

We all agreed not to tell my parents till I gave birth and now I have to put off school for a while. I'll have to give my dad some excuse for why I'm putting school off for a bit which is going to be hard to do.

Lonte,

"I'm bailing you out." Kaylee said over the phone. I scratched my head. As much as I have told her to let me do my time: she doesn't want to listen. "Babe we talked about this already." I sighed. "You talked and I refused. I'm getting your ass out whether you want it or not." She determined.

I have always loved how relentless she is. All the shit I put her through: she's always beside me. "Are you ok with what will happen when you bail me out?" I asked. She didn't say anything. "I can't allow you and our baby to have no place to sleep." I told her.

"I know but-" "But nothing. I'll rather you be comfortable in our house than us move into your brothers." I expressed. I have my own place and moving into her brother's place is wild. It doesn't make any sense. "I miss you." She said. "I miss you too." I responded.

I heard Ezra cry in the background. I haven't seen him yet which is breaking me down. Kaylee said she'll be able to bring him in a couple of days. "Don't you have to get my son?" I asked. She laughed. "Your son? You mean ours 'cause I'm the one who carried him." She acknowledges.

"Don't you have to get our son?" I corrected. "Shanay's got him." She answered. I looked at the clock and saw that I had less than ten minutes left. "Ah. I forgot she was staying over." I mentioned.  "Yeah. I'm glad she's here. She's been such a big help." I imagined her smiling through the phone.

After our conversation ended, I went back to my room and drew. I used to draw a lot when I was little. I decided to pick it up again to make time go faster when I'm in here. I don't know how people survive here. There's not much to do. We hardly get fresh air.

This is the longest I've been in jail. Other times the evidence wasn't hard enough to put a case against me. No one has visited any of us so it's still a mystery of who turned us in. I don't understand why this person is still remaining anonymous. It's not like we're going to get out soon.