Hidden Valley (D. SWING)

XVIII. Wake Up

My arms rests around Morgan as Evelyn, with one half of her body lying across the couch and the other half across my lap, sleeps through the remainder of the movie. I look over to Kitty, she sits in the corner of the room with droopy eyes intently focusing on the television from the other couch she and Paulette occupy. Paulette doesn't blink as she spends the second half of the movie on the phone with Ali. She hasn't said if they're back together but anyone with eyes can see what it is.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow," Pauletre says into the phone. "No... Sitting here with us— No, Morgan's here. Yeah, I'll tell him. Love you too... Okay, bye." She places the phone on the hook, walking over to the couch I'm on. "Ali says hi," she tells me as she prepares to scoop up Evelyn.

I stick my hand out for her to stop. "It's cool. I got it." With Evelyn sleep closest to me, it comes with ease to scoop up the sleeping child. Evelyn in my arms, I look over to Morgan to say, "I can drop you off, if you want." Morgan waves me off as if she's in no rush. I don't thing she has to work tomorrow.

Paulette follows me up the stairs, opens Evelyn's bedroom door for me, and steps aside as I lie her down. We swap places as she tucks her sister in. I step off to return to the movie when I feel my best friend grip my wrist. I cease in my tracks.

I look down at her.

"Morgan told me what she said to you," Paulette nearly whispers. "Don't take what she said to heart, D. She doesn't know Cyn like we do. You did mess up."

I lean against the wall and ask, "Why you feel the need to tell me I messed up like I don't know that? I don't need you tellin' me you told me so right now." When I prepare to exit for a second time, she pulls me back again. "Letty..." I'm not trying to have a heart to heart with her when I could be on the couch with Morgan.

"I'm not saying it to rub it in. I'm saying it to remind you that good people make bad decisions. You're not a bad person for fucking up," she points at me, still whispering. "But you are stupid. So don't be stupid because stupid can really outshine good, okay?"

Her eyes have the habit of piercing into my soul. I stand before her until I can't take it anymore, choosing not to say anything as I walk away. Paulette follows behind me. We join the last two ladies of the house as if nothing has happened and nothing was said. I fall back on the couch beside Morgan, arms wrapping around her to bring her back into my warm embrace, rubbing soft circles on arms. Sitting here, I hear Marlene's voice echoing in my mind as my confused feelings resurface. I try to stay still but when I see Paulette step into the kitchen, I have to follow her.

"Ai'ight, fine. Just tell me why I did it, Letty."

She turns around with a confused, though exhausted, expression. "What?" I can see my question sink into her brain. She sighs, leaning her behind against the counter. "That's something you need to figure out on your own, D. I can't tell you what you feel and think. I just guess from knowing you for the last ten, eleven years."

"Then tell me why it matters so much to Marley. I get it but I can't really get it," I confess. I hold back my expression of guilt. Again, I don't want her rubbing it in.

"I can't speak for Marley," Paulette says, shrugging her shoulders in a carefree sense. "But I know she's a woman and you don't speak her language so all  I can really say is— Well," she pauses to think out her words as intensely focus on her every statement. "Cynthia bullied Marley for years and convinced her it was constructive criticism out of love... And maybe it was out of love but she bossed her around. Cynthia pushed you onto Marley because she didn't see her as a threat but Marley did and she probably always will."

I takes three steps closer to Paulette, leaning against the sink, as I take in her perspective. I just want to understand. We haven't talked about it in this much detail since I told her I was jonesing for the hit of Cynthia I hadn't even had.