The Hope of Hattie Phelan: Volume I

29

Tragedy

I later learned that Mr. Rickman was proclaimed dead before I even reached the Findlay house. I would never forget the sight when I returned with Essie's family. Tear-stained Kenneth was soothing Miss Rebecka who was staring ahead, not registering the people coming into her house. Nathan stood in a corner, before he stomped out of the house to the barns.

What made things hurt more was that God hadn't answered another prayer of mine. I had prayed, not for me, but for Wally, yet God still didn't do what I prayed for. Again I felt heavy and hurt. I hadn't known Mr. Rickman well, but the effect his death was having on the Rickmans pierced my soul.

I went into the kitchen to find the tea kettle was letting out a wobbly whistle. It seemed everyone had neglected it, and the water had boiled down to nothing. I refilled it at the pump, and returned inside.

I was making coffee when Wally rushed through the door, Dr. Phelps in tow. My heart panged, as I realized I was the bearer of bad news. He stood in the doorway, his eyes asking me the words he was too afraid to ask. I opened my mouth but closed it, too pained to say anything. All light drained from his eyes as he ran upstairs without another word, Dr. Phelps following. I pulled out a couple mugs, pouring coffee and cream into them. In the rush to get David out of the house, Nancy didn't clean up her tea mess, so I got down on my hands and knees, mopping it up with towels. After that, I finished slicing the bread. I cut them up into quarters, since they had to feed many mouths. I made a platter of ham and used the fresh tomatoes to put on the side. I had two platters of food to take up so that everyone could serve themselves.

But after finishing, I was so exhausted, hurt, and miserable. I knew how Wally felt. This only brought up the pain of Ma's death as I sat at the table, putting my hands on my head as I fought tears. I had to stay strong since I knew Essie would depend on me to remain calm. She was always so calm, and now it was my turn. I let out a shaky breath as I heard feet slowly descending the steps. I didn't look, but I knew it was Wally. He was wearing his worn boot—the one with the floppy sole. I quickly stood up, grabbing a plate to fill for his dinner.

Wally headed for the back door before I said, "Walter, eat before you stable the horse. It can wait."

He turned slowly, sitting down quietly. I set his plate of food and fork down in front of him as well as a cup of coffee before asking, "Do you want sugar?"

He shook his head, staring at the plate of food. The door opened, revealing Uncle Gillan, Aunt Margarette, and Bernie. They gave me a quick hug—Aunt Margarette also planted a kiss on my forehead—before heading off to find Miss Rebecka. They helped me by carrying up the platters of food—along with a dish of casserole they brought along.

I started cleaning up, not stopping to eat. I wasn't hungry. It seemed that Wally wasn't hungry either because behind me was complete silence. And then I heard the quietest, straining sigh. I turned to see Wally's head in his hands. His back was shaking as if he was crying. Then it hit me that he was crying. I set my washcloth down, unsure of what to do. Whenever Nancy cried, I would hug and comfort her, but this was Wally, a young man who was not my family.

I sat down in the chair I had sat in before. I cautiously put my hand on his shaking shoulder, which made him stiffen. I pulled my hand away like I had touched a hot flame. I stood up, about to leave the room when I stopped in my steps.

"Wally, if you ever need to talk, I'm here." I grabbed the pot of coffee before heading upstairs with a few mugs in my hand.

I ached to comfort Wally, but I didn't know how.

-=+=-

The funeral was big. Nathan stood off to the side, no emotion etched on his face. I could tell Miss Rebecka was trying to be strong, but I saw the silent tears. David had just figured out what was going on and was eerily quiet. What scared me most was Wally, who was stern-faced like Nathan. His demeanor seemed to have hardened since I last saw him on Sunday. Pearl had her arm around Kenneth, who looked incredibly grieved.

Essie took it hard.

Her face was reddened with tears, and she had this constant pained look. She had lost her uncle, and I couldn't imagine losing Uncle Gillan even if I had only known him for a few months.

Reverend Davis said very kind words regarding Mr. Rickman and even told some funny stories about when they grew up together. The whole town seemed to be grieving along with the Rickmans. Not only was a husband and father gone, but also a friend, farmer, and man of God in the words of Reverend Davis.

The potluck at the Rickmans' house was not as enjoyable as the ones at church with such a sad circumstance behind it. Though I must say, it was good to talk with people outside of church. But most of the time I was a shoulder for Essie and Nancy. Essie's crying made Nancy cry, which made me the one to keep my composure to support them. How I wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. Why couldn't God have answered my prayer? I shrugged it off before heading back to the table of food for another round. While I was there, I overheard Miss Rebecka talking to her sister, Mrs. Findlay

"I think I want to move out, Lee," Rebecka said. "This place hurts too much."

"You'll sell the farm?" Miss Leanne asked, shocked. "It was Henry's prized possession."

"I won't if one of the boys wants it. But I can't handle it, Leanne. I really can't."

I walked off, without any more food. I wasn't hungry anymore. I saw Wally in the corner, eyes closed. I decided to walk over and talk to him.

"Hello, Wally," I whispered, as his eyes flashed open.

His eyes softened as he saw me. He nodded slowly. "Hello."

"I'm so sorry," I said, taking a step closer to put a hand on his shoulder to express my condolences. Once more, he stiffened at my touch, which I immediately withdrew at the response.

"Thank you," he said.

"If you need anything, please let me know," I offered, giving him an understanding smile before turning away.

"Before I forget—" His voice made me pause mid-step. I turned to face him. He handed me my blue ribbon. "It must've fallen off when you ran. I found it in the grass today."

I took it, giving him a small smile. "Thank you, Wally," I said as I suddenly felt like I was about to cry. I turned on my heel, walking off to find Essie. I felt like giving another hug, and this time it was more for me. I was overwhelmed with the grief that Wally felt, but also something about him had changed. It seemed like the life had drained from his brown eyes, and it pained me to see him in such a state. Just last week, he was dancing and laughing at Kenneth and Pearl's engagement party. I knew what death could do to people firsthand, and I could already see changes in Wally. He was reminding me of myself, and that scared me.