The Hope of Hattie Phelan: Volume I

32

The Fight

For the week after fighting with Walter, I let Nancy take the baskets for his family. I didn't want to face him again because either he'd apologize, I'd apologize, or neither of us would apologize. We both were stubborn, so the latter seemed most accurate, leaving me with the option to avoid him for as long as possible. But, unfortunately, this time we were bringing them two baskets of food so that they wouldn't have to cook on Sabbath. So, I had to come along and help.

I wished that Wally and I hadn't fought at all, but I still felt I was in the right. Wally should think about his family before he makes any rash decisions that could affect them, I thought with finality. Surely, there was reason to that. But then again, people who were going through pain or turmoil rarely thought rationally.

I looked back to all the bitterness I had held in regards to the passing of Ma and Colin. I let the hurt and brokenness fester in my heart, creating a pool of bitterness that only grew over the years. I hated that I saw the same hurt going on in Wally's life.

I knew he was blaming Nathan for the workload and the possible unwanted inheritance, but I also knew that something deep down was bothering him about his father's passing in regards to God. I could feel the tension when I had mentioned church to him last week. Maybe I was quick to project my past struggles onto him, but I wanted to make sure that he wasn't becoming the broken and cold person I once was. I could still feel the bitterness trying to crawl its way back into my heart, and at moments I almost let it control me, but I realized that I now had a hope in Christ and that through it all, He would make things right—whether it was by how we wanted it or not.

-=+=-

Once again, I found myself on the Rickman property, wind fiercely whipping at my hair. I looked over at Nancy, who was joyfully unaware of my anxiety to be back here. She and I each held a basket as we traipsed down the Rickmans' driveway towards the house. As we stepped onto the porch, I glanced around, looking for Wally. I hoped to run into him so we could make amends somehow. How would we do it? I had no idea, but I knew we would have to talk it out.

I saw two figures between the two barns, seemingly chatting. It looked like Wally and Nathan. I pointed them out to Nancy before she sat her basket down on the porch by the door and I followed suit.

"We can grab these later," Nancy said before lifting her skirts to jog down the steps of the porch. "I want to say hello to Wally and Nathan."

I followed after her, going over every possible scenario in my head to try to discuss our fight without being in front of the others. But it was nearly impossible to get him alone without making it look suspicious. With a sigh, I shook my head as we neared the two men. They seemed completely unaware of our presence, though, and as we neared I could hear their raised voices.

"—is expected of me," Nathan said, throwing his hands above his head. "I am always to do chores upon chores, but what if all I want is to be free and do what I find fulfilling? I can't live on this farm for the rest of my life! I want to do something bigger than this!"

"Is fishing your heart away 'something bigger,' Nathan?" Wally retorted, voice raised. "I always have to pick up your slack! If it's already hard for me to pick up your slack now, when Kenneth leaves, imagine how hard it will be on me to basically run the farm myself. You need to step up."

"But you've always been the perfect child and perfect for the farm anyway," Nathan cut back. "Though Papa didn't see it, you basically ran the farm more than anybody. You put the most time into it, and you care about it more. Imagine what I have to live up to now that Papa is gone!"