The Rockmore House

31 | Play It Cool

It was a stupid idea to drive. The snow was coming down fast and blowing across the road, erasing the pavement in front of me for seconds at a time. I didn't know where I wanted or needed to be, I just knew I couldn't stay home. I needed movement.

Pete remembered me. Even though Liz said he wouldn't, he remembered me months after the last time we saw each other. He remembered my freckles and my hair and me. And he didn't seem angry. It was possible that he even missed me.

And I remembered him, because I had a change of heart and decided not to have Liz take away my memories of him. Because they were a part of me, whether I liked it or not. And if I chipped away every part of myself that was inconvenient or difficult or insatiable, I wasn't sure what would be left.

Maybe whether or not I found someone else, I'd pine for someone I might never see again for the rest of my life. Maybe I'd be like the stained glass artist, awake at two o'clock in the morning, patching together my next project in the time between a little bit of sleep and a day job. Maybe that was who I was becoming. Maybe it wasn't the worst thing in the world.

Certain parts of Pete's letter turned over and over in my mind and I tried to examine them from
every angle to determine their meaning. What did he mean when he said his selfishness may have stolen my future? And what life was he ready to leave behind? As I considered the possibilities, the weight of dread in my chest grew heavier.

I pulled over on the street in front of Eric's house. I didn't know why I was drawn there. Eric had been cold toward me all week, but I didn't exactly know why. Maybe the night at the gallery had freaked him out more than he let on and he was distancing himself from me because it was all too much.

I picked up my phone and was debating if I should text him when I heard a joyous shriek outside. The car windows were streaky and wet and I could barely see through them, so I stepped out of the car.

The Rockmore House looked magical. The trees and shrubs were draped in warm white lights that glowed under the fresh snow. Artificial candles flickered softly in each window and an evergreen wreath hung from the gate of the white picket fence.

Eric and a few others were goofing around in the blanket of snow in the front yard. The fresh snow was too powdery for packing snowballs, so the snow they scooped up and threw at each other scattered in the air into sparkling clouds. A tall girl with dark curls spilling out of her ivory knit hat smashed a handful of snow into Eric's chest and laughed. Eric took Sophie's mittened hand, which was still pressed against him, and playfully twisted her arm. She spun around and fell into the snow on her back and he made a show of losing his balance and falling beside her.

My phone slipped out of my hand and I quickly crouched down to find it. And to hide. I wasn't invited to this flirty snow frolic and I had to get out of there before I embarrassed myself.

I started to feel dizzy and I leaned my back against the car, until it gave out from behind me and I toppled to the ground. Snow crept around my collar and melted when it touched my neck. I shivered and opened my eyes. It was daytime.

A couple was happily shouting nearby. I stood up and brushed the snow from my black leggings before it could soak through the fabric and then I saw them. Even though it was from a distance, I knew it was Rose and Walt, throwing and dodging snowballs and laughing where Sophie and Eric had been just a moment before. Walt threw a snowball at Rose right as she crouched down to collect more snow and it hit her directly in the face. She remained silent as she slowly stood and wiped the snow off. He ran toward her while apologizing profusely and unwrapping his scarf from around his neck. He wrapped his arm behind her back and blotted his scarf against her face.