Keep Me - Carlos Sainz

twelve

"For the first time in Formula One Carlos Sainz is victorious! He wins the British Grand Prix!" 

I watched Carlos' car zoom past the pit lane, the engineers and other crew members pressed against the fence, hanging the Spanish flag over it. Caco was screaming, pulling people into bone crushing hugs. The amount of pride I felt was difficult to explain. I tore the headphones off of my head and my feet hit the ground before I could even process what was going on. We ran towards the top three cars and I shoved my way to the front, wanting to take in every minute of this win. Carlos climbed on top of his car, throwing his arms up in the air and exclaiming victory. He ran towards the team, throwing his body over the fence and into their arms. They cheered and clapped him in the back. He ripped the helmet off his head and his eyes searched the crowd until they landed on me. His arms wrapped around me so tight he nearly pulled me over the fence.

"I'm so proud of you" I whispered. Tears threatened to spill on both of our eyes. Our foreheads pressed together as we smiled and I couldn't even be bothered to care that I was now damp from his sweat.

I watched him on the podium, the smile never leaving his or my face. We stared into each other's eyes and I hoped he could feel how proud I was. How much he deserved this win. I took pictures of him as he winked for the camera. Checo and Lewis drenched him in champagne and he was wrapped into the Spanish flag. All of the exhaustion of the weekend was worth it to see this moment.

I had yet to sleep. For the past two nights I had accompanied Carlos nearly everywhere. But Fernando had called me on Saturday morning, letting me know that he needed multiple changes done for next week. So after Carlos and I returned from a dinner with the team to celebrate his pole position, I snuck out of the room as he slept. I sat in the hotel lobby clicking away until five in the morning. My eyes kept trying to give out on me, but I fought them. Once the podium celebrations were over Carlos was stolen away for interviews so I made my way to the motorhome. While I waited I managed to call Fernando to discuss any further changes. I stood up once I saw Lando approaching. We had met briefly the day before when he came to congratulate Carlos (and try to persuade him to go out to celebrate) on his pole position.

"Hey Noa" He smiled, his race suit at his waist. "How does it feel to have a Grand Prix winning boyfriend?"

I was about to reply when fog clouded my vision. I tried to respond, but my body felt like it was shutting down one body part at a time. My legs went numb, tingles running up and down my spine. I felt like throwing up. This can't be happening. Not right now. Not while Carlos is having the best day of his life. I pinched myself, trying to regain vividness.

"Are you okay?" Lando's voice sounded so far away. The black dots in my vision made it impossible to distinguish him. The blood had drained from my face and it felt as if I had a sock in my mouth, not being able to speak fluidly. He helped me sit back down, holding me up by my elbows.

"I'm fine" I swallowed. Fine? Absolutely not fine. My body felt like it was on fire as sweat coated the entirety of it. I began to rip off the jacket I was wearing, even though I couldn't feel my arms. "Just... stood up too fast, I think"

"Charles! Bring a juice box or something!" Lando exclaimed, fanning me rapidly with his hands. God, this is embarrassing. Carlos is somewhere celebrating and I can't be with him because my stupid body couldn't take a few days of hard work. Charles looked like he had seen a ghost once he saw me. He handed Lando a towel and a juice box of a juice I couldn't make out. Not Charles too. Why can't I ever stop inconveniencing people? Charles had a shit day, his race being ruined by strategy again. And now he had to tend to the girlfriend of his teammate, who just beat him, when he probably wanted nothing more than to leave the track.