Other Girls of Gilmore Girls: The Lindsay Lister Story

Chapter 30

View Along: S5 E2 A Messenger, Nothing More

After dinner, Dean cleaned the dishes and asked if I wanted to take a walk with him. I let him lead the way around Stars Hollow, but we didn't talk about anything. I could have told him about the CSA, or Café Us, or any of the exciting things that happened that day, but I knew he didn't feel like talking. When Dean turned to head back to our townhouse, I followed. Waiting for him to hold my hand, but he never did.

***

I slept in the following morning and was surprised to see a note from Dean on the kitchen table: Working with Tom today, but I'll be home early.

It was Friday, and I didn't have plans. What could Dean and I do when he got home? I started off the morning like usual, putting away anything out of place, wiping the surfaces that needed it. Put a toothbrush back in the holder. Fluff the pillows on the couch. Dean's shoes from yesterday were still by the front door. I put his shoes on the rack and saw that the car keys were still on the chair by the door. He must have walked up to work today, which was great because it meant I had the car to use again if I wanted. Did we need anything from the Target in Woodbridge? Did it matter if we needed anything? I grabbed the keys and decided to head out. I'd buy myself a coffee and just walk around.

Dean had left his jacket and Doose's apron on the passenger seat. I tossed my bag on top and left, daring myself to only spend $40 that trip.

I spent $90.

I grabbed the Target bags and Dean's jacket and apron, clutching everything to my chest so I could bring it in in a single trip. I dropped the pile as soon as I got through the door. Time to put it all away. I bought a few shirts off the clearance rack for myself, a set of hand towels with cartoonish produce printed on them, cleaning supplies, and gel pens. As I emptied the bags, I went to hang up Dean's stuff when I noticed an envelope in the pile of fabric. I willed it to not be a missed bill given that I just spent $90.

It was a letter. Handwritten. Opened already.

My heart thudded against my ribs. It was wrong. Something was wrong.

I pulled the folded paper out of the envelope and began to read. What was this? I couldn't read it in order; instead I scanned the first few lines, the middle. Something about thanking him. Who was thanking him? I looked to the bottom of the letter: Rory. Rory. A letter from Rory. I started over. What was this?

Rory thanked Dean for a special night. That night was perfect, but it was just for that night. You are married and you have to figure out your life. I'm taking myself out of the equation so that this is easier for you because all I want is for things to be easy for you and for you to be happy. Please don't consider me in any of your choices. That's not what I want. What in the hell was going on. My eyes ran frantic over the page again and again, my body telling me to run. Run! I began pacing back and forth. What do I do?

I ran to the bathroom and turned the cold water on in the sink. I tilted my head to try to catch some of the stream on my face, but my legs were shaking too much to stay there. I sat on the toilet and shook. My legs vibrated up and down, supported by my toes. What do I do?

Do I call Dean and confront him now? Or should I act like I don't know anything and see what he eventually says? Hide the letter and see what he does when he realizes its gone? Call Abby? Call Erica?

What do I do?

I stayed on the toilet lid in my bathroom until the shaking slowed down. I decided to watch TV until I could think of what I should do. I hadn't known anyone who was ever cheated on. I couldn't follow their lead. I tucked the letter in between the couch cushions and kept my hand on it. I didn't want to see it, but I needed to know where it was. I found a show where they ran paternity tests; it was always the same story over and over. I couldn't lose myself in it.