Beautiful, Grey World (Trillie)

6

Sunday, February 12th

What the fuck?! Why is Tré doing this? I like him kissing me, a lot actually, but there's no reason for him to be doing this. And as much as I would love to kiss him back, I can't. Someone out there actually is Tré's soulmate. It's, unfortunately, not me.

I pulled away from Tré, and my hands were in front of me to push him away if he tried again. I dared to look into his eyes, and I saw that he was very confused. I probably looked the same.

"What's wrong? Was it me? Is it 'cause we're in public?" Tré questioned. I just shook my head, trying to plan my escape. I wanted to run and get out of here, but I knew Tré could probably catch me.

I still hasn't actually answered any of Tré's questions, so he repeated them, sounding more annoyed. I tried to think of something to say to him, besides just "we're not soulmates" since Tré knows that. At least, I think he knows that. Oh God, does he think we're soulmates? He's mistaken, unfortunately. I would love to actually be his.

"Well? What is it?" I could tell Tré was getting more impatient. His arms were crossed, his brows were furrowed, and his foot was tapping the ground. He was scary looking, enough so that I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"I-It's, uh, I just don't want to kiss you since we're not... soulmates." After saying that, it felt like the whole place went quiet. Or that it was just us in the whole area. Something like that.

Tré didn't say anything. He backed up, getting farther from me. It felt like he was miles away, but he was barely a couple feet from me. I wanted to reach out, grab his hands, and pull him back to me, maybe even kiss him and tell him I did want him, but I can't.

"What do you mean by 'we're not soulmates'? I can see color, and I know for a fact that it was because of you. You were sitting against a fucking wall! Who else could it be but you? Am I not good enough for you or something? Do you think that if you lie to yourself that we'll stop being soulmates?"

"No! No, it's not like that I swear! It's just, we can't be! I can't see color. You had to have looked someone else in the eyes just before you saw mine. Thats the only way."

"Well, guess what. That didn't happen. I looked you straight in your eyes, and literally the next millisecond later, they were green. I can even tell you what you're wearing! You got a blue and white striped shirt on and some light blue jeans. You actually look really cute, but lairs don't fucking deserve compliments. Get a ride from Mike, cause I'm fucking leaving."

With that, Tré walked off. I could've definitely caught up to him, but what would I do? Tell him that I wasn't lying? He wouldn't believe me, and I don't think that I would believe myself either. He's pretty confident that he saw color as soon as he saw me. But he has to have seen someone else. Everything's still greyscale to me. The grass is grey, the sky is grey, and the museum was entirely grey.

I walked out of the aquarium and into the lobby. I found a bench to sit down on and took out my phone, calling Mike to pick me up. Afterwards, I scanned around the lobby, totally not looking to see if Tré's still here. He's not, unless he's really good at hiding.

Mike came by a couple hours later. It felt like days, since all I did was sit around. I would've went to visit some of the different areas, but Tré already showed me all the cool stuff.

"So... what happened? I thought you'd be taken home by Tré after your date?" Mike asked. I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it. "Well, if you don't tell me, I'm leaving without you."

Mike was most likely joking, but I still told him everything. From the car drive to when Tré walked away. Retelling it made me realize how I wished I just went along with what Tré said and kissed him back. Maybe there's something wrong with me, like I've been seeing greyscale so long I still see it greyscale even after meeting Tré? Or maybe I've convinced my brain that Tré doesn't deserve someone like me, so it refuses to accept he's my soulmate? Like that placebo effect?

"So... you really can't see color?" Mike asked once I was done speaking. I nodded, looking around again just to make sure. Still grey. And probably not a placebo effect.

"Hm. Thats interesting... Well I'll drive you home now. You can pick the music." And with that, we left the building. The ride back home was quiet, besides for the angsty pop punk music playing on the radio. I didn't intend for all the songs to be about breakups, but they were.

Mike dropped me off at my place. He asked if he should stay with me for a bit, but I declined. I wanted to be alone for a while. Listen to more sad music.

I went to my room and sat on my bed, picking a playlist and turning my phone's volume way up. I stared at my guitar, wanting to get up and play it, but I didn't want to get out of bed. If my guitar was a person, it'd probably be begging me to just play it consistently every day. Sorry Blue, but I don't have the time to do that anymore.

Everytime my phone went off, I hoped it would be Tré. It wasn't, ever. Just Mike checking up on me, Adie asking if I would be at work tomorrow, and various social media notifications. I wanted... something with Tré. To hear his voice? Apologize? Kiss him again? I just want something with him.

I finished listening to the entire playlist, which surprised me. Its 5 and a half hours long, and I don't usually finish it in one sitting. Guess I was really feeling upset. But, anyways, its dark outside now, so I should probably go to sleep.

That's way easier said than done. I was too restless, had too many thoughts, and was barely even tired anyway. All I did was lay in my bed and stare at the wall in front of me. I didn't have a clock around me, but I was sure it must've been hours before I actually felt tired. Even then, I didn't even get to fall asleep. I saw my room light up as the sun rose, and decided that I was just not getting sleep. I could've called Adrienne and tell her I was taking the day off, but I needed to work to take my mind off things. Let's hope this day goes... okay.