Breathe Again

Surrender

(Bella's POV)

"So tell me about Arizona," Emily prodded. "I can't imagine living somewhere with no rain!"

We were on our way to the bonfire in La Push, and I was beginning to feel a lot better. Jacob would be waiting for me, I knew, but I wasn't scared of facing him. I was a little nervous about facing the rest of the pack, since they obviously knew every detail about us, but Emily had assured me that they were all used to knowing way too much, and they wouldn't make a big deal of it. I was embarrassed enough about what they must know ofmy time with Jacob. I couldn't imagine what it must be like for Emily since she and Sam were clearly living together. Either it didn't bother her at all, or she was really good at hiding it. I got the feeling she just accepted it as part of life with her werewolf.

She'd convinced me to change before we left. Well, not change completely, but she got me to ditch the shapeless look I had going. The flannel shirt was too comfortable and warm to give up, so we agreed to leave it unbuttoned. It didn't reveal much of the tank top underneath, so I didn't argue. But apparently the ratty old jeans had to go. We settled on another pair, equally baggy, but a decidedly better cut. The boots were unnecessary, too, as I wasn't going to be doing any hiking, so she tossed a pair of slip-on sneakers at me, and we were good to go. I was happy that I was completely covered, and she was happy that I wasn't dressed like a man.

I told her everything I could think of about my old home in Phoenix: the dry air, the constant sunlight, the open deserts. She was fascinated by the weather, but what she really liked were my stories about Renee. By the time we got to the party, we were laughing about the time Renee reported her car stolen because she'd forgotten where she parked at the mall.

I'd assumed we would be at the beach, but apparently this bonfire was being held in her backyard. She drove around and parked near the back door as I my eyes searched the crowd around the fire for Jacob.

"Don't worry, Bella. If they're not here yet, they will be soon." I guess my anxiety was obvious. "Let's go inside and you can help me in the kitchen. Unless you were looking for someone other than Jake?" she teased.

Definitely not. I followed her inside, and we threw ourselves into the finishing touches on enough food for an army. If we were lucky, it might just be enough for the enormous boys who made up the pack. We were practically in hysterics over my latest Renee story when I heard the door open. Emily stopped laughing, and I turned around to see Sam walk in, followed by Jacob.

"Sam, help me take all this out," she said quickly, turning around at the door to wink at me.

I spun back around to pull the bread out of the oven, suddenly not sure if I could face him, and I heard the door close again. Had Jacob walked back outside with them? Would I ever get up the nerve to turn around and see if he was still there? I set the bread on the counter and slowly exhaled. How long had I been holding my breath? Then he was there. I could feel him---rather, his astonishing warmth---right behind me. I turned the oven off and waited.

"Bella?" he whispered.

What was I supposed to say? I turned around, staring at the floor. I don't know if I can do this...

"Sam told me...he said Emily thinks..." he started, trailing off quietly.

At least I wasn't the only one having a hard time with this.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't...I should have...Tell me how to fix this" he begged.

I wanted to look at him, but my eyes weren't cooperating. I brought my gaze up slightly, but I was frozen there. Then I couldn't help but smile, even if it was weak.