Breathe Again

Revelation

(Bella's POV)

I'd been arguing with myself ever since Jacob left. I was furious with him...no, I was furious with myself. But I knew better than to sit at home by myself all night. Obviously I never should have kissed him. He was still a sixteen year old, even if he did have the body of a grown man. The perfect muscular irresistible body of...stop it! Just because I was attracted to him didn't mean we should be together. Things were so much easier when we were just friends.

His immaturity may very well have been why I had so much fun with him-until recently. Lately everything had just been a mixed-up disaster. I mentally outlined everything I needed to say to him and hoped tonight would be my chance. I would tell him that I loved him but that I was wrong to kiss him. I would make sure he understood how much he'd helped me, saved me really, but that I just couldn't have a relationship with him. I couldn't handle the lack of control-his lack of control. My lack of control, too, but I probably shouldn't mention that. I wanted my best friend back, the one who made me laugh and was always there for me, not this new person who was just all over me-and laughing atme. He'd be upset at first, but he'd forgive me, right?

We would talk when he came to pick me up. He probably wouldn't want me to go with him after that. But if he did, at least I'd know he wouldn't have the wrong idea.

Jacob hadn't told me what we were doing, but I suspected we were going to the bonfire Embry had mentioned. I stood at my closet door, not sure what I was supposed to wear. It's not like there was a bonfire dress code, but since I'd be with Jacob, there were probably some outfits I should avoid. I grabbed a tank top, but after this afternoon, I layered it under a warm black flannel shirt I'd swiped from Charlie-and I buttoned it right up to the collar. On top of some baggy old jeans and boots, I considered it a job well done. I could have lost or gained twenty pounds in that shapeless outfit, and it would have been impossible to tell.

On an even brighter note, it's not like we would be alone. The whole pack was sure to be there, and I doubted Sam or any of the elders who happened to be in attendance would think it appropriate if Jacob tried for a repeat performance. They didn't know it, but I was counting on the pack to protect me not only from Victoria, but now Jacob as well. I couldn't contain my smile as I thought of Sam putting Jacob in his place...Oh no! The pack!

Ughhh! Why hadn't I thought of that before? If Jacob had changed into his wolf form at any time recently-and he probably had-they would all know every detail of what happened. Embry had already been laughing at me. Now they all would. What was I thinking, kissing a werewolf? They could hear each others thoughts! Could they see each others thoughts, too? I sat down on the floor with a thud. I couldn't even be mad, now. I just wanted to hide. A bunch of horny, immature teenage boys were probably witnessing my private moments with Jake right now.

"Bella, Jake's here!" Charlie called up the stairway.

I couldn't do this. Not now. Not with everyone knowing. I raised up enough to reach the doorknob and turned the lock. I was never leaving my room. Ever.

"Bella?" Charlie was standing outside my door now. He knocked, then tried to open it.

At least the lock works, I thought.

"Bella, open the door."

"No."

"Bella, are you okay? What are you doing in there?"

"I'm fine, Dad," I lied. "And I'm not doing anything. Can you just tell Jacob I'm not going?" His footsteps echoed down the stairs, and I heard voices below, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I hoped Jacob would just listen to Charlie and leave.