Breathe Again

Perceptions

(Bella's POV)

Charlie wasn't home, so that was a plus. At least I didn't have to explain why my face was red and my eyes were all puffy. I drew a bath, unsure what to do with my time and hoping that the hot water would relax me.

What had just happened? Jacob was supposed to be my best friend. He was supposed to love me. He most certainly was not supposed to turn a kiss into an excuse to cop a feel! And then laugh about it?With Embry? My tears had started out angry but now I was just humiliated. I hated Jacob. I hated Sam for taking my Jacob away and replacing him with that...that smirking, pompous, self-absorbed monster! I hated Edward for abandoning me to a pack of adolescent hormone-crazed wolves. I hated myself for being so gullible and stupid. I was seething with hatred for everything and everyone.

Edward and I had never really ventured beyond kissing. But I'd been with Edward for months. And I'd wanted a lot more than kissing. I'd even asked him about sex once-not because I planned on jumping in bed with him right then, but because I wanted to know if it was an option later on. I didn't reallythink I was going to wait until I was married. To be honest, I wasn't too sure about marriage at all. But I was at least going to wait until I was ready. At the rate Jacob had been taking things, the wait would have been about ten more minutes.

It had been so hard for me to find the courage to turn to Jacob, to kiss him, to hope he really could be more than my best friend. I couldn't understand how it had gone so wrong. My Jacob had always been so patient with me. The Jake I'd seen today was completely different. What had happened wasn't even a first date kind of thing-at least not as far as I was concerned. It was maybe a third or fourth date kind of thing. If you were in love. If you had come to an understanding. And it had seemed like Jacob had wanted to take it to a ninety-ninth date kind of thing. What was he thinking? Was it the werewolf thing? Was this the kind of person he had become? Was that what he thought love was? Maybe I didn't really know him at all.

I shivered. The warm water had faded to uncomfortably cool, and I was dismayed to find I hadn't relaxed one bit. Now what was I supposed to do? Just about everything reminded me of Edward, and for months I'd had Jacob to help me escape the pain. Now the thought of Jake just made my blood boil. I toweled off quickly and grabbed my jeans again. But I left the offending blouse on the floor and opted for a sweatshirt instead. Much warmer, much more comfortable, and much less associated with anything distressing. I was considering taking a walk in the woods, hoping that bit of recklessness might bring Edward's voice back to me, that hearing him might ground me, when the phone rang. That had better not be Jake!

"Hello?"

"Bella?" It was Angela.

"Hi," I said, unable to hide the surprise in my voice. No one ever called for me anymore. Well, except Jake, and that was probably going to change now.

"Hey, Mike's having a beach party tonight, and a bunch of us are going. I know you don't really like...doing things, so much, anymore-," She was trying so hard to be nice about it. "-but it would be so nice to have you there. Ben and I can pick you up if you want."

I answered too quickly, "Sure. That sounds great."

"Really?" She sounded surprised, and for a moment I wondered if she'd just invited me to be polite, hoping I'd say no. But this was Angela. She didn't have a manipulative bone in her body.

"Yeah, Ang, I could use a change." I could use a whole new life, but that wasn't going to happen.

"Ok, we'll be there at six. See you then!" she said excitedly.