The Genderbending Of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 4 -- I Hate Wednesdays... (part3)

"Kyonko..." a boys voice repeated over and over again as its owner's finger pressed and twisted my cheek the way an electric drill would a screw. It's kind of nostalgic that Haruhi or whatever she called herself in this world was just as annoying and relentless she was in the original. On second thought. No.

I moaned, brushed the boy’s hand of my face and turned away. I just wanted to sleep. Was that too much to ask? Even after all that had been thrown in my face in the last few hours, couldn't the universe show some sympathy and let me rest?

Nope.

The boy sighed and moved behind me. If this was supposed to be a mirror of the old world, it was safe to assume that the male Haruhi sat behind me. So, I figured that the boy had given up and moved to his seat. But I had forgotten something. Something very important. Rule number one when dealing with Haruhi Suzumiya: Never assume Haruhi Suzumiya is giving up! Ever!

With a firm grip on my ponytail, the boy thrust his arm upward, lifting straight out of my chair and dangling my short and nimble body in the air. It hurt. A lot. I felt like my hair was going to be pried from my scalp.

I shrieked. Plain in simple. A sound so high pitched I'm surprised the glass windows in my once peaceful classroom didn't shatter.

The boy dropped me to the floor, and as I sobbed and rubbed the top of my head that was now screaming with pain, he moved his face inches from mine and began to shout in the stereotypical (if this given mannerism could be considered that) Haruhi rant about SOS Brigade member etiquette.

"What do you think you're doing so early in the morning Kyonko? An SOS Brigade member must always be awake this early in the morning to watch for suspicious activity!" Any doubt that I might have had had been thrown out the window. This boy was definitely Haruhi. He even had a yellow hair band in his hair to seal the deal. His sharp eyes and esteemed grin peered through me, belittling my mead pain and annoyance at having been awoken in such an abrupt manner. His medium length, choppy hair was brown like Haruhi's, his demeanor was all but identical to hers, and to top it all off, the "Brigade Leader" arm band could be seen around the sleeve the North High male student uniform. "Explain yourself!"

I couldn't think of anything to say. The throbbing pain in my head wouldn't let me focus. But staying quiet would only make the situation worse for myself, so without a second thought, I attempted to work my way out of the situation.

"I didn't get much sleep last night, so I was just trying to-"

"I don't have time for your excuses!" he interrupted. Then why the hell did you ask? Not that it mattered anyway. To tell the truth, last night was one of the best nights of sleep I had gotten in a long time. Until, that is, I needed a glass of water. Maybe if I hadn't gotten up, this never would have happened. No. This is Haruhi we're talking about here. She gets what she wants no matter what other people are put through to get it. And usually, the person abused at her expense is none other than me.

He continued to stare at me, his face nearly touching mine. I could smell his breathe. It was good. The mint from whatever toothpaste he had used that morning hadn't worn away. He began to snicker. Why? Why was he laughing? Wait. My face feels hot. Am I blushing? Why the hell am I blushing! We...We're both guys! No but she is Haruhi. But she is a dude right now! But I'm like this... But I'm still a guy! What the hell is wrong with me!

He slowly began to back away, and as he did I noticed how much taller he was then me. Though I guess since I am significantly shorter then I was when I was a guy it would be a little more than obvious that male Haruhi would be taller than me as well. My face got hotter as he toward over me and all I could do stare hopelessly up at him. Damn it hormones! I will be blaming a lot more of my problems on you from now on! I felt like I would explode. And then, as if he had heard my thought, he reached out to help me up. I hesitated but then got over the mistrust and grabbed his hand for him to help me up. He touched me. I was touching him. He was helping me. When does Haruhi ever help anyone? This seemingly innocent act of kindness is the straw that broke the camel’s back. My face turned so red you could have seen it shining like a traffic light from the school courtyard. I felt dizzy, and hot, and my body, or more so, my mind, couldn’t take it anymore. My knees buckled, and I fell right back down to the floor. I don’t know if it was simply all of that, or the force of my face hitting the tile floor, but I was out like a light. The last thing I remember feeling was a little trickle of something wet dripping out of my nose. What is it? Blood?

When I came to, I was staring up at the ceiling. Only, the ceiling was moving. After further inspection I realized it wasn’t the ceiling that was moving, rather, it was me.

I looked around, and after the haze wore away from my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a yellow headband.

“So you’re awake now?” he asked as he sighed from what seemed like relief.

I freaked out once more and, as would seem to be my routine for the day thus far, fell to the floor again.

“W-what do you think you’re doing!?” I demanded to know.

“I was carrying you to the nurse. I was seriously worried. Why didn’t you say you were that tired?” I somehow recall that I did. Even though it was a lie.

“Well I’m ok now so you don’t need to carry me!” I yelled. Why was I angry again?

“Are you sure? You’re nose is still bleeding.”

I wiped my hand across the bottom of my nose. Sure enough, I was still bleeding.

“Sh-shut up! I’m totally fine!” Why am I stuttering so much? It’s just Haruhi right?

“Hm. Really? And I was really looking forward to having some fun while the nurse wasn’t looking.” My face beamed bright red. I knew she, or, I guess he would spin things this way just to make me all flustered. With nothing to say in response, I discovered a new feminine instinct that had been given to me through this whole eccentric debacle. My hand reached out and slapped the male Haruhi right on the side of the face. It didn’t faze him though. He was too proud of having made me uncomfortable.

As the school day went on, I couldn’t focus on any of the teachers’ lectures. I couldn’t stop coming back to the feeling I had immediately before I fainted that morning. Why was I so embarrassed just to have Haruhi so close to me? Why did something like touching his hand make me faint? And, perhaps most importantly, why did I like all of it?! I’m still a guy after all. No matter what she does to change reality, I still am and always have a boy. And Haruhi has been and always will be Haruhi, even if she changes her appearance. So why did I fell like this. I could only hope that Haruhi would be late to the SOS Brigade club room so Nagato could explain things to me. Oh crap! I had almost forgotten! Nagato! And Ms. Asahina! What about the two of them? I could only assume that they had changed as well, considering everyone in the entire school had. But then that would mean Nagato and Ms. Asahina would be… guys!

Haruhi I could handle, because frankly, a lot of her aggressive tendencies can easily be translated to a man. But Nagato? Well her emotionless expressions where seeming to get better lately. She hadn’t smiled or anything yet, but since the incident in December, she had begun to talk more. What would this do to that progress?

And Ms. Asahina gets enough torture on a daily basis as it is. I didn’t even want to imagine what a male Haruhi would put a male Ms. Asahina through! And what about her physique? Would her bust size be translated into…? UGH! Thinking about it made me want to hurl!

I needed to stop worrying. The best I could do was to wait and pray to God that male Haruhi had something to attend to before going to club. Oh please! Give me something to look forward to today! Just this one thing! Nagato would know what to do. And after club we could sort this mess out just like we did with all the other of Haruhi’s calamities. Right?