The Genderbending Of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter 6. -- Mascot?

Ms. Asahina sat with his head buried in my lap, sobbing for a good five minutes. All I could do to cheer her up was rub her head and tell her everything would be all right. Even thought I wasn’t totally convinced of that myself. I think a little part of me was actually glad to see Ms. Asahina like this. Not that I was heartless and wanted to see her tears. I would never wish that on the glorious Ms. Asahina. But even as a boy, she had that feminine, “I might cry at any moment”, cute appeal about him. Besides, aside from the short hair cut, Ms. Asahina remained virtually unchanged.

I can only imagine how she reacted when she woke up to the altered reality. Chances are she went to the bathroom and looked down and well… you can guess as to how she acted. More than likely, the scenario I pictured was pretty accurate. Arms flailing, voice shrieking, eyes globing with tears. If you thought I reacted badly to this crazy stuff, picture Ms. Asahina. I sort of feel like punching whoever is responsible for this whole mess. If not for my own anger, but for the strife it must be causing Ms. Asahina.

Eventually, Ms. Asahina was able to wipe away the tears and stand up. The short and slender bodied boy wasn’t any taller then I was. He still had a babyish face and was the spitting image of Ms. Asahina with a haircut. The terrified expression was now gone from his face and was replaced by a look of utmost determination.

“Kyon.” She began. Maybe she found a break in the case? “We have all changed genders!”

SMACK!

My hand hit my forehead so hard I’m sure you could probably hear it echo down the hallway. I’m sorry Ms. Asahina, you're sweet, but I think that much is somewhat… No, totally obvious.

“Are you feeling ok Ms. Asahina? Are you coping well? I mean, with all of this?”

“Y-Yeah. I guess I am. I think.” She stuttered. “Even though this mourning… I woke up and… It was all…” I’m so sorry Ms. Asahina. That must have been a terrible way to wake up. I mean, if all I had known was being a girl and one morning I woke to a little, well, morning excitement I should say, I would be breaking down in tears too. “But,” she sniffled, wiping the blobbing tears from her eyes, “You actually look really cute.”

YES! MS. ASAHINA CALLED ME CUTE! I don’t care if I’m a girl right now! I don’t care about whatever crazy hormones where circulating through my blood stream, I wasn’t about to let any of that take this away from me! I can now die without regrets.

I sat down after taking a heroic pose to try to get serious again.

“Is there anything else I should know about this?”

“Ah! Yes!” Ms. Asahina began, “Just like the event three years ago, for some reason we cannot travel to any point in time past 2:45 a.m. This ‘classified information’ seems to have reached the future as well. But we can’t tell if the extent of the ‘classified information’ in that time plane is the final outcome of this ‘classified information’. Even though the ‘classified information’ on this time plane and my time plane are the same, they seem to be ‘classified information’ at the same rate. My superiors believe that the ‘classified information’ is growing at the same rate of a ‘classified information' and is happening on all time planes ate once!”

Oh Ms. Asahina. You’re amazing, but I can’t understand a word of what you’re saying. Basically ‘classified information' is 'classified informationing’, right? That is all I need to know.

“I see…” I really didn’t. But that explanation on Ms. Asahina’s part would have to suffice. Because at that exact moment, Itsuko Koizumi and the life of the party himself, Haruki Suzumiya, barged in the clubroom door. No. That is not quite right. It was more like Haruki did one of those “Dynamic Entry” things; kicking the door open and then barrel rolling into the room nearly toppling Ms. Asahina over; while Koizumi just observed from the doorway with that stupid smirk on her face. It pissed me off. That smile combined with the “perfect girl” complexion just made we want to…