Give me Love

34. Fire, Pain and Sleep.

Time passed slowly for you. After that day you were barely able to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. During that time however, you were able to move around a little - - with help from Loki of course. You could sense that it irritated Odin, especially seeing as he made an active effort to avoid your presence at all costs... Tension in the palace slowly began to rise between everyone; well... actually no... it was mainly between Loki and Odin... and Loki and Thor... and Loki and, well, pretty much everyone...

"Something is worrying you..." Loki softly said, a tingling shudder running down your spine as he did.

"N-No... There's nothing bothering me..." you said, shifting your weight around slightly. Loki was standing behind you; his arms on either side of you helping to keep you steady, aided in part by the thick, cool, stone guardrail of the balcony.

"(Name)." he said sternly. Evidently he didn't believe you... You glanced down to the bustling town below the palace. It was nice to see other people again, even if it was at a distance. You shook your head. Loki sighed irritably, and you could almost feel the air around him grow cold.

"You will never forgive me then?" he asked. You glanced back, brows furrowed,

"What are you talking about?"

"The child." He said. "You still hold anger and resentment towards me." He was being an idiot. You rolled your eyes.

"Loki, stop this now before an argument starts." You said, the very idea of arguing exhausting you more than you already were. You'd been out about half an hour, and your body was already growing heavy.

"Then what was it?!" he demanded, moving to stand at your side. Don't lean back. You'll over balance and fall over, again.

"Am I not allowed to just think?" you growled before turning and attempting to head back to your room. You stumbled more than once in the space of a few seconds. You sensed Loki move closer to you, but you forced your body to obey and move without his aid - - albeit slower than you'd hoped. Why? Why did he linger on it? Why did he feel it necessary to bring it up...? Initially you were inconsolable about the loss... but as time passed, you began to realise more and more that you, and Loki, were in no way shape or form ready for a child... You were upset about it in some ways, but relieved in others... Though that didn't mean you were happy to continuously drag it up, or be assumed to only ever think about it.... You sighed, sickness building in your stomach. Every time you thought about it, about the child, about Loki hanging so desperately onto it, it made you feel so sick... You continued down the halls, receiving a few stares from the servants... It wasn't anything new... You were accustomed to it...

*Loki's POV*

He watched her leave, and it pained him to do so. But what else could he do really? It was clear to him, as misguided as it was, that she would not forgive him. She shouldn't forgive him... What had he done to receive or deserve forgiveness? Nothing. What had he done to deserve and receive her hatred? Everything.

"Patience..." a voice called to him.

"Patience is not a virtue I have." He said aloud, though he initially thought it was a voice in his head.

"It is something you will need to learn." Loki clicked his tongue and turned away to follow behind the human woman, however an arm caught him and stopped his movements. He turned ready to abuse and yell at whoever it was that stopped him. "Do not turn away from me." Frigga said softly yet sternly. Loki's mouth fell open slightly.

"I did not-,"

"Exactly, you did not know, and you still do not know." He said. "Do not assume to know her mind-,"

"I do."

"No, you do not. You manipulated her mind and body to your own needs. All you know is she wanted to please you, and keep you happy. Now that she no longer feels frightened by you, you see how she really is, and you are afraid of losing her." Loki's lips formed a firm line, not wanting to admit such a thing. She gently stroked her youngest sons cheek. "Do not think she would leave you so easily... She has come this far, has she not?" she asked.

"By will? Or by force?" he said bitterly.

"By both," Loki's face visibly dropped, saddened to actually hear it. The queen sighed softly.

"Have you found any more about the Vindi?" Loki asked softly, trying to change the subject.

"No, not yet." The prince nodded.

"I'll continue looking for it then..." he mumbled before turning to head off. Frigga sighed and shook her head. "What?" Loki snapped. "What have I done wrong now?!"

"Loki-,"

"No, I am sick of everyone detesting me for something I thought would help."

"Loki-,"

"No! I have been hated all my life, and now it feels like even she is turning against me!"

"Loki!" Frigga snapped, stopping Loki's rant dead. "Enough." She said softly. Loki looked defeated, exhausted and pained all at once... She had seen him like that a few times when he was younger and it could still manage to break her heart... He held his head in his hand. She stepped forwards and gently kissed his forehead, much like she did when he was younger - - only this time it involved stretching upwards. "She does not hate you. I do not hate you. Thor and your Father do not hate you, and do not ever think they do." Loki was silent. He didn't want to believe it... He couldn't believe it... All the years of numbing himself to his so called family... All the years of hating his father and brother... He could not have wasted all his time, all his energy, and all his hate, just to be told his assumptions about them were wrong.

"Loki..." a soft voice called. Immediately his eyes snapped open and his head whipped up. (Name) was standing, leaning her weight against one of the great stone pillars, her eyes firmly locked on Loki. How long had she been there? How much had she heard...?