𝐟𝐢𝐱 𝐦𝐞✧𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐝

THIRTY THREE

─◌✰್
gianna santana.

i woke up and turned to my side, expecting to see michael sound asleep, but i was met with nothing, nobody. just an empty bed.

i rubbed my eyes and kinda looked around a little more but realized he definitely wasn't in here. i just assumed he was busy or had woken up before me.

i grabbed my phone and checked the time, seeing it was 8:51 am. that seemed way too early for michael to be up and going. however, i knew i was probably just thinking too much into it, so i rolled over and cuddled a blanket with his scent on it to drift back to sleep.

─◌✰್
michael white.

gianna and i had sex. i fucking regret it.

i wish i never let my horny ass take over.

i remember she told me she lost her virginity sophomore year, and she didn't really want to. that's all i needed to hear in order to put together the puzzle pieces. i needed to be careful with her.

i know she's not just someone i can fuck and then not cuff her.

i don't know why but after we had finished, an instant feeling of something different washed over me. ive never felt that way in my life.

i cant decide if it was love, regret, or what. every couple minutes i'm going back and forth with being filled with the feeling of extreme feelings of love and regret. i am so fucking in love with her.

from seeing her beautiful body on mine, hearing her beautiful moans, hearing her say she loved me while i was inside her, knowing she trusted me, and seeing her beautiful self cuddled up on till she fell asleep. i know i'm so in love. i cant be.

i don't want to hurt gianna. i don't want to hurt her beautiful little soul. therefore, i know i have to distance myself.

some may think that me distancing myself is worse, but i know that's not true. ive never really been in a real, deep relationship, and i don't want to hurt her. i wanna make the best decision for the long run and i'm thinking that maybe we should just stay 'twins'.

maybe i just don't want to hurt myself.

i continued driving down to the studio. it was really a beautiful route with a lot of trees and flowers.

eventually my friends and i wanna make a studio within our house but we don't got the money for that yet. we barely even got enough money for the house but we make it work, and it'll only get easier.

i was considering texting gianna and telling her i had shit to do today but i just didn't. she's probably still asleep anyway. i just needed to get out of that house, and more importantly, away from her.

i pulled up to the studio and parked. i leaned back a little in the drivers seat and lit a blunt, as usual. today i wanted to record a song called "stuck in my ways" since i'm in a softer mood. wasn't tryna record any hard shit. chris has also been on my ass about that verse since it's his song.

─◌✰್
gianna santana.

hours passed. no michael.

i had basically locked myself in the room, waiting for him, until i got sick of it.

i shot him a couple texts, with no response. he didn't read them either.

i made my way downstairs and saw kodie eating a bowl of cereal while sitting on her phone.

i opened the fridge and opened a can of sugar free redbull before sitting in front of her. "you seen michael today?" i brought up.

she shook her head without even looking up from her phone. "that nigga just does what he wants. you're more likely to know than me."

"yeah i guess. he just hasn't answered me." i giggled awkwardly. 

"oh, well don't worry bout him. he prolly out getting food or recording music as usual." she shrugged.

i usually wouldn't mind or be worried about it either, but i thought last night was special to us. i'd just like to wake up to him and feel like we're on good terms. i just don't want him to hate me, feel weird, or regret it.

he seems to be dodging my texts and that isn't good after you have sex with someone.

i'm starting to feel like an idiot. i even said i love you in missionary. i thought he was really feeling me. hes told me he loves me multiple times and is so sweet to me. ever since we clicked, he doesn't try anything sexual, and now he moves to la, fucks me, and dips.

why the hell would he do that if he didn't wanna be with me? maybe it was a big mistake.

i grabbed a cigarette pack off the coffee table, marlboro reds, and put on some slides before going outside on the porch.

i lit a cigarette and inhaled it. fuck. i'm starting to feel too much. i fucking love him. so much. especially after last night, i feel bonded to him. i hope today is just a lack of communication.

——
FILLER CHAPTER (kinda)