𝖎𝖓𝖖𝖚𝖎𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖊.

021.

trigger warning: suicide attempt.
▁▁▁▁▁▁

EMPTY. THATS ALL SHE FELT and that's all she would ever feel. So what was the point of living? Staring at herself in the mirror was probably the hardest part about her life because she couldn't stand the look of herself; Ugly and broken. Broken simplified why she saw herself as ugly. Her hair became dull and lifeless, her skin was rough and acne had been piling up on her face. Her body was weak with how little she had eaten in the past four weeks. She stood there with underwear and a bright pink T-shirt that was long enough to cover her bruised knees, bruised due to how many times she fell because of her eating disorder.

Sixteen years old. Her birthday was next week and she didn't even care. She didn't care for anything. Not her life, not the friends she lost, the boyfriend she lost, the soul she lost-Nothing. Tears were running profusely down her face, bags under her eyes from how many tears she had produced. She was tired. Tired of crying, tired of telling people she was fine, tired of not sleeping because of the horrifying flashbacks of what happened constantly replaying in her mind as if taunting her on purpose to make her feel more bad about herself. Just nothing.

As she stared at herself through the glass, all she could see was the reflection of when she was 11 years old. That same girl who had lost her favorite uncle. That same girl who cut herself and stopped eating until she was forced to because her stomach couldn't handle it anymore. The same girl who wanted to die only because she didn't think there was anything else left in this world for her. She didn't change. She wanted to change but she couldn't. Especially not after having something so sacred ripped away from her by a man who had a rotten heart. A sharp metal kitchen knife had been clutched into her right hand shakily, slowly bringing up her left to hold the knife directly above her wrist. She was going to end her life tonight. She had it planned out for a week now.

Her parents were out for their anniversary dinner and her siblings had been watching a film in the living room. It's not like they would come check on her anyways. She was scared shitless of the consequences from this. About leaving her family, about them being traumatized from finding her dead body lying on the cold bathroom floor. About how broken they would be at her funeral. And then having to deal with watching her being lowered in the dark ground filled with worms and insects.

She had thought all this through, and even though some people might think it's a selfish thing of her to do, they didn't understand how lifeless she felt and will continue to feel if she didn't end this for herself. Their was nothing to breathe for, to laugh for, to think for, and to be for anymore. It was time for her to be gone and stay gone. That first slit made her smile, penetrating deeper and deeper into her skin to draw thick blood from her wrist. And the moment she saw puddles of blood, that's when she screamed out in agony. The scream signifying how dead and lost she was. And for a moment she had wished someone would break down that door to save her. Her heart practically jumped out of her throat as she heard rushing footsteps and heavy hands pounding on the door. It became a mission to finish the job before they came in and tried to stop her.

"Estella, honey, open the door baby please. Let mommy help you." Estella whimpered as she shook her head at the comforting sound of her mother pleading for her to stop the action she was about to commit. She didn't say a word to her, the voices of her feared parents switching into distant mumbles. Her bedroom doorknob shook hesitantly, wood cracking and breaking and the heavy foot of her father kicking open the door, his tall figure quickly rushing into Estella's bathroom and as much as he wanted to cry at the sight of his own daughter sobbing and bleeding from cutting herself, he needed to stop her immediately before she went any further.

Lurching forward, Alex is quick to grab his daughters wrist, letting her scarily drop the pointy object to the ground. Estella screamed as loud as she could in a heartbreaking tone. Both mixed emotions of pain she felt in her heart and anger towards her father for stopping her. Her mother had been broken, hands covering her mouth as she sobbed hysterically while Estella tried to fight her father off so she could obtain the weapon once again and finish what she started.