To Join The Black Parade

TJTBP - Chapter 10.

Chapter 10.

Frank's POV

The rose is my right hand was being squished to death by my gripping fingers. I was attempting to get a hold of my self; Gerard would laugh at me if he saw me.

If he saw me.

Meaning he was dead and gone forever.

Mikey was to my left and Ray and Bob were to my right. We all held one rose in a hand, standing behind the coffin. Mikey's face was red from previous crying; Ray and Bob's faces were set in stone, as were mine. I was too shocked to cry.

We were all dressed in black dress shirts, black pants, and red ties.

Black and red were Gerard's favorite colors.

We all had volunteered to speak some words about him; Lilly had shown up, but I kicked her out first. She didn't need to be here after what she had done.

When the priest was done, Mikey went up first to the podium. We all had to face the front, still looking out at the twenty people who actually showed up and cared. The other ten just came because they had heard the name Gerard Way and felt bad.

I had a fedora on my head. I was the only one with a hat.

I thought of it as a symbol of what I meant to Gerard, only me wearing it, even if it made me feel selfish, it showed how much Gerard mattered in my life.

And now he was gone.

Mikey began to speak. I tuned out his speech; I couldn't bear to remember anything at the moment. I was thinking about guitar and thoughts were already creeping into my head about him.

After his speech was over I walked up. My legs were numb. Not from standing there. my whole body was numb.

From him.

I walked up to the podium and 30 sets of eyes were on me. "You may know me, I'm Frank, and I was one of Gerard's best friends." Cut to the chase, i thought to myself.

"Look, I'll just get to the point. Gerard and I have been friends for years after we met in this parade and formed My Chemical Romance. And now that he's gone, I honestly don't know how to go on. He's the one that kept me on my feet and not as bad as I was before we met. Do you know how hard it is to live without that balance holding you up? Excrutiatingly difficult. So I'm pretty sure that all of you may love him and miss him and all that, but it's nothing compared to me. You will remember him. I will never forget him." I stepped down and everybody was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

I didn't join the others; I walked off. Down the aisle, everybody still watching me. I was still holding the rose. Ray gripped my arm and whispered, "That was really powerful. Where are you going?"

"Outside. I can't do this anymore." I ripped away from his grip and walked away. I busted the door open and stepped out into the pouring rain. I sat on the steps and I wasn't sure if rain or my own tears were rolling down my face.

I wasn't getting soaked at all; i wish I would though. I could get hypothermia and die and join Gerard wherever he was.

I threw my fedora at the door and it fell easily and pathetically. I also threw my rose out in the rain. I rested my arm on the highest elevated leg on the steps to the church and watched my limp hand hang off my knee. I looked down at it and concentrated on the tattoos on my hands running up my arm under the suit.

About 15 minutes later Ray busted out and I turned around. "Frank, no matter how much it hurts you, we need you to help carry the coffin."

I laughed a little bit. The last time I tried to carry a coffin I was too short. But I shook my head and looked back down. "I can't do it."

"I know it's hard man, but you have to." Ray sat next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. I left it there. it felt good to know somebody had my back right now.

"Please," Ray pleaded softly. I looked at him and mulled this over. I couldn't lose my composure, not now. So I nodded. he pulled my rose out of the rain and I put my fedora back on. We walked inside.

Everybody was walking outside, looking at Gerard, crying as they walked out, getting their umbrellas ready so they could go outside and still make it the cemetery unsoaked. I took a little look. He had a fedora on his head as well, in a black suit with red tie, hands folded on his chest. We rested all of our roses on his chest and I pecked him on the lips, slowly, one last time before shutting the coffin for good.

I grabbed the front left corner of the coffin, where Gerard was when we shot Helena.

Except it was his, not Tracy's.

Mikey got the corner across from me, Ray and Bob in the back. Matt, our old drummer, and one of Gerard and Mikey's cousins got the middle. Helena went through my head as we walked out into the pouring rain and carried the coffin.

We slid the coffin into the limo, everybody watching. I shut the door and walked off. I didn't want to go to the cemetery.

It brought too much depression staring at a tombstone with his name on it.

~*~

I didn't get out of bed for days.

Or was it weeks?

Either way, I didn't leave my bed for a long, long time.

Mikey walked in to the door to my bedroom. "Frank?"

I didn't speak. I just stared out the window at the rain again, one arm hanging off my bed.

"Frank, you gotta get out of my bed. It's been 6 days and you haven't moved." He pulled up a chair and glared at me. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" I mumbled, my voice raspy from not talking for so long.

"Stop moping about my brother! If he was here, he'd slap you in the face."

"If he was here, I wouldn't be in bed," I mumbled once again. One part of me was gone; th fun part, the energetic part, the bouncing-off-the-walls part.

The Gerard part.

"UGH! Get out of bed!" he shouted, ripping the sheets off me and shoving me out of bed. I hit my head on the nightstand on my way down.

The same way gerard died, hitting his head.

Mikey looked satisfied. "He moved. Now get up. We have an album to discuss." He pulled me up and shoved me into the closet door. "Be down in 10 minutes."

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