The Unheard Stories.

Lies

I am tried. I tried of the people. The people that I thought I could trust, lied to me. Have been lying to me. I am tried of people pretending. I thought I was the only person that was lying to everyone. But no they think it is time to finally care about me when I know you don't care about. The only time they care about me is when something bad is happen like when I had a panic attack. That is the only time they care about me. Only time. But I know I shouldn't get mad at them. They are family.... Yes my family is the one who is lying to me. But I keep the bigger secret. None of my family members know I have been hurting myself. That I want to end everything. They don't know because I always have big smile on my face. But they think it is alright to act like you care about me WHEN YOU DON'T!!!! I am willing to tell you half of the truth. I tell you I don't want to deal with anyone. Meaning I want to be alone. But I know I shouldn't be alone. When I am alone I feel like I am going to do something I regret later. That is why I rather stay quiet. I rather not tell anything to anyone. Because once I say something I know I am going to regret it because they are going to ask if I am okay everyday. I don't anyone's sympathy. I never did. I never even wanted this. This stupid pain I have to deal with. I don't see how everyone doesn't say. Is it the big fake smile on my face that I always have? You don't see it in my eyes? You don't see the pain I am going through? Are the lies really believable?? Not even my close friends don't know what is going on with me. They always say they know me better than I do?? Do they really?? Do they know?? Are they just asking normal until I say something?? There are lies everywhere?? We just don't see them. We are too blind by all the fake smiles and fake laughter. Everyone has a secret that they can't tell. This is mine I am lying. Just like my family. It was passed down to me. It is my family. We are big fat liars? And no one can stop that. I am scared of what will happen when I tell everyone. Tell everyone everything. All the pain I went through. All of it. How will they react?? Did they already knew and were not shocked? Or will they try to give me sympathy? There are so many different ways they can react. I just know that everything will unravel when everything is out. Out in the open..... I will just have to wait then.... I will wait until I have the biggest lie and I have to tell everyone the truth. Everyone will know all the lies I have told. I just hope they will react in a good way. I don't think I can handle if something bad happened. But then again. I have been through the hell the pass years, what is another couple days though there again.......