How Obama Saved All Time Low

So it was twenty fucking fifteen and the night of Alex and Lisa's engagement but dude this was before they actually got engaged you see before all that, well actually only like an hour or two before, Alex had been trying to break up with Lisa for the last and final time because dude #Jalexisreal and shit but Lisa was like nah listen here m8 you will propose to me later on tonight, in front of Jack, and if you don't I will steal all of your shirts and release that video of Jack fucking you with a burrito got it and Alex was freaking out because dude he CANNOT let that video get out plus he really likes his shirts man
So he took the stupid ring that conceited Lisa had already bought and broke jacks heart and man when jack ran out crying Alex was like no my bby but Liar I mean Lisa waved her fancy smanchy camera phone in front of his face like bitch no and Alex was like hoe don't do it but she just cackled like a bitch I mean witch and skipped away

Damn so okay flash forward a couple of months and BAM! it's only a few weeks away from the Batman themed wedding and Lisa is happy and Alex is pretending to be happy and Jack is not o-fucking-kay (trust me) and he's thinking about leaving the band like he'd really like to leave because of bitch Lisa so someone reports that shit to the Church of Emo and they're like nahhhh fuck this we need to fix this before #Jalexisreal becomes #JackleftATLandAlexisalilshit so they called up their main man Obama ((a regular at the Church of Emo, especially after the departing of our dearly beloved My Chemical Romance)) an he was all HEY LISA GUESS WHAT IM DEPORTING YO ASS so she was deported to Russia where she froze to death bc it was winter and she was only in her skimpy wedding dress (yes that is possible wedding dresses can be slutty af) aaaand than Obama issued a law that literally everyone on the earth agreed on, the law was I OBAMA AND THE CONGRESS AMD SUPREME COURT AND SHIT WE ALL HERE DECREE THAT JACK AND ALEX MUST GET MARRIED SO WE CAN ALL DIE HAPPY ALSO PLS BRING MY CHEM BACK OH WAIT I CAN DO THAT IM PRESIDENT HEY FRNK GERD RAY AND MOIKEY UR A BAND NOT AN IDEA SO FUCKING PLAY FOR ME YOU WILL PLAY UNTIL WE ARE ALL PART OF THE BLACK PARADE SHUT UP GERD ITS NOT A FUCKING IDEA YES YES ALSO #FRNKTOPS2K15 SO GET TO IT OH AND ALMOST FORGOT ATL MUST STAY A BAND 5EVER
Jack and Alex got married MCR was back together everyone's ships became canon and we all died from feels

THE FUCKING END

dedicated to SarahHernandez458 hi ily