Hating How Much I Love You

Chapter 1

Watching someone die is never easy. With me it happens once a month, at least. This time I'm frozen and covered in blood as I stare down at the dead teenager. This time it was a hit and run victim, really young, and on her way home from school. Blonde hair just like mine, was covered in blood. Her face was now pale, and the air tube had been disconnected and was now protruding from her mouth.

The doctor announced time of death and people started leaving the room, ready to deal with the next case that made it's way into the emergency room. I blinked and quickly left the room and headed to the locker room to change. My pink nursing scrubs are covered in blood it makes me sick seeing the teenager's blood on me. I could feel vomit rising in my throat. I rush to the bathroom and make it just in time. I hurl and empty my dinner into the toilet bowl.

When I am able to stand I make my way to the mirror and grip the sink with my hands. I look up and look at myself in the mirror for what seems like hours. My shift ends in an hour, and I know I can make it till then if I just ignore my feelings of horror and just get with it. I quickly was my hands with soap, before fixing my hair and rinsing my mouth of with water.

I change my scrubs and head back out into the hospitals busy halls. I am immediately spotted by a doctor and asked to check on some of their patients.

"Nurse Matthews, how beautiful you look this evening" Old Mr Palmer says as I enter his room. Old Mr Palmer is a regular here at Mersey General, he is the sweetest old man. He has lived on his own since his wife Macy passed away in June last year. He gets lonely and admits himself to hospital for the company. Although we know he isn't sick, legally we have to check him out before we release him.

"Ah good evening, Mr Palmer" I say with a smile as I grab his chart.

"I mean it Dear. You're too beautiful to be working at this hospital looking after folk like me. How about you come live with me? I'll keep you company." he winks and I laugh before playfully tapping his shoulder.

"I wouldn't be able to handle you, Mr Palmer" I reply playfully. "Now how is the pain one being no pain at all, and ten being extreme pain"

"Must be eleven because God has sent me an angel" he winks and chuckles. I shake my head and finish checking his vitals before heading of to check on Dr. James other patients.

My shift end and by the time I get to the locker room after talking with my co-workers at the nurses station I see that it is around eight o'clock. I get changed and grab my handbag from my locker. When I check my phone I see I have six missed calls from my best friend, Becca. I call her back as I walk to my car. She answers on the fifth ring.

"Love Matthews, why the hell haven't you been answering my calls?" she demands.

"I've been at work Becca, now what is so important that you called six times?" I ask. I reach my car as she answers my question.

"Nothing I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out tonight Mitch, Jace and I are going to Havoc for drinks it will be fun" she drags the word fun out with a giggle.

I contemplate her offer, after the day I have had I probably should get out and have some fun but the idea of watching her and my brother snog really wasn't my idea of fun and then adding Jace into the mix well that wouldn't be fun either.

"You know I'd love to but I'm really tired I want some sleep" it wasn't a complete lie. I was tired but I knew there was no way I'd sleep tonight without having nightmares that stared blonde hair and blood.

"Too bad, because I'm at your apartment now and I swear I will cut Mr Tinkle Bear's nose off if you don't come out tonight" I gasp loudly and hear her evil laugh through the phone. Mr Tinkle Bear was my best friend before Becca, and I still had him today at age twenty-four. She knew I loved that bear and her threat worked because I let out a sigh and agreed to go out with her tonight. Her squeal of excitement made me laugh and I hung up the phone and pulled my car out of the hospital car park.