fix me- Tommyinnit

13: Thinking About It

"come to the nursery tommy, you're going home"
"what, why?"
"what do you mean, why? You just had a fucking panic attack and you have a fever"
"But I don't want to go home"
"well, you're still going"
"no phil. I'll miss my classes"

"and since when do you wanna go to class?" the kid got quiet. He was right though wasn't he? He just didn't want to see his father.

He doesn't want to get yelled at. The bell rang and the two started walking towards the nursery.
"hi tommy!"
"oh hello, tubbo!" tommy said smiling. Tubbo always seems to make him happier.

"where are you going?"
"to the nurse, apparently I have a fever"
"oh, hope you get better soon, if you want we can hang out after school"
"sure tubs, see you at 5?"
"yup. Bye tommy"

And then phil and tommy started walking away.
"do I really have to go home?"
"why don't you want to go home?"
"because I'm home alone and the house is not unlocked yet" tommy tried lying hoping that phil wont question more.

"what do you mean?"
"my parents are at work today so until four they won't get home and I don't have a key"
"so you want me to just keep you at school while you have a fever just because your house is locked?" of course it wasn't locked, but what can he do?

"yup."
"yeah, no. We're calling your dad to come and pick you up"
"oh okay"

Tommy was scared. What will his father do? Will he be punished? It wasn't even his fault. He tried saying no, why is nobody paying attention to him right when he sais no?

Why is nobody listening to him? Can't they hear him say no every time? Are they fucking deaf.

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Tommy was now walking towards the car with phil. Did he really have to come?
"uh hello, are you Tommy's father?"
"yeah, did he do anything bad?"
"no but I'd like to have a talk with you for a moment" and the two backed away from the car while tommy got inside.

'I'm screwed.. I'm fucking screwed. Forget it I won't hang out with tubbo no more. Shit.' Tommy's thoughts were flooding his mind making him more scared and overwhelmed every time.

He just couldn't stop. God he wished it could all be okay. He just wished no one will notice anything that is going wrong with tommy. He just wishes to be noticed.

He just wants to be seen.

His dad came in the car and said goodbye to Phil through the opened window.

As soon as they got home he started talking to Tommy.

Tommy

"what is wrong with you?" I was looking at my shoes while he was just yelling at me like I just killed someone, yet all I did was have a panic attack. I didn't even want that to happen.

"FUCKING ANSWER ME YOU IDIOT" but all I did was stay silent. What could I say in these situations? All I can do is watch him stomp on me every single day, breaking me apart just like a piece of paper.

I feel his cold hand slap my face leaving a red mark yet all I did was stare at my shoes and feel the tears sprinting down my face.
"why did we even give birth to you?"
"I never asked to be born, you know?"
"what did you just say?"

I should've just kept my mouth.
"nothing."
"no, tell me. I'm very curious, what did you say?.."
"I think you heard me" and another slap came followed by more and more hits and kicks.

Only I know how much I suffer. Only I know how much I cry and how much I wish to just disappear. Now what am i supposed to do? I'm right here laying on the floor with blood falling from my nose and lips. Begging for him to stop while he keeps hitting and kicking me.

Now what am I supposed to do? Can really a fourteen year old take this? I tried getting away while he gets closer and closer and yet again I'm stuck against the wall, holding my hands up to my face like a shield, crying and begging.

And yet this all could be done with just a jump. Just one. One little jump. As little as my brain is.

I don't even need to jump. I can just allow myself to fall. After some time I feel him picking me up and throwing me against the hard wall hurting me more than he already was.

When will this come to and end? When will I finally be happy and okay? Everything was going so well, why now? Couldn't it wait more?

I slowly close my eyes accepting my faith and fainting. Could this get any worse? How did no one hear me scream and yell for help?

Oh wait. They don't give a shit. How ironic isn't it? I'm always the one who will be forgotten. Always me.
Don't let yourself down tommy
Get up.
Get up.
Tubbo.
You need to meet tubbo.

I need to meet tubbo. I told him we will meet. He can't see me like this though, can he? I'll just stay home. I get up and try to walk to my room. When I enter the room behind me slams shuts and I get locked inside. Perfect..

Just perfect..

Could this get any worse?

Little tommy was now alone, scared and hurt.. Not just inside this time.. Outside too.

Is his mom going to come back? Or is little tommy going to be alone forever?

Poor little tommy, he deserves better..
Way better..

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This shit sucks. I'm sorry if you expected better, I'm no good writer lmao.