"How can I be happy when I've given so much of myself away?"
Being an idol certainly has it's setbacks.
As a leader, Kim Namjoon knows that all too well, but no one could ever prepare him for what BTS would become, because being an internationally f...
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CHAPTER 1: HANA, DUL, SET
"Go home, Namjoon." Fluffy curls poke into the studio, eyes peeking in just enough to look at the leader in concern.
Namjoon has been there since noon. Not once has he taken a break. He looks to be in the exact same position Yoongi left him in, staring at a computer screen and intently listening to every single track that's going to be on his solo album.
It has to be perfect.
That's all he can think about. It's the only thing that's been on his mind for the past few months. He doesn't want to disappoint his fans, his family.
So, he doesn't budge even though what Yoongi says isn't a suggestion at all.
Going home just weeks before Indigo's release is absurd. Yoongi, of all people, knows that better than anyone.
"Don't make me drag you out of here myself." Yoongi fully enters the room, closing the door softly behind him. He comes to stand behind Namjoon and grips onto his shoulders tightly. "I'm being serious."
If Namjoon wasn't so focused right now, he'd laugh.
He glimpses up at Yoongi behind him. One side of the black headphones is placed behind an ear. "I'll leave in a bit. Just going to listen through the tracks one more time."
Yoongi's expression becomes sullen. "The 9 songs aren't going anywhere. You need to get some sleep. You've been up since 3."
"Yoongi, please."
If it was anyone else, it'd sound like a plead, but Namjoon is incorrigible. Nothing Yoongi says will make him change his mind.
"If you're not home in the next 30 minutes, I'm sending Jungkook to come get you."
With a sigh, Yoongi turns to leave. As soon as the door closes after him, Namjoon fixes the headset and begins playing the album through once more.
Every track contains a piece of himself, so it needs to be perfect. To be this vulnerable all on his own without the members is nerve-wracking. It's not like he hasn't done it before, but something about this album feels more...
Personal.
He's been open with Army, has become comfortable sharing his ideas about the world with them, and dropped hints of what goes on behind the scenes of being an idol.
Army knows him, and maybe that's why he's so stressed about it.
Namjoon prides himself in being carefree, but right now, he's caring a bit too much about how Indigo will be perceived.
His songs are up for interpretation. They'll mean something different to each person, but Namjoon knows Army will read between the lines and figure out the truth he's barely begun to accept.
He doesn't know if he's ready for that. Not when he's still healing, so he turns up the volume. The bass loud enough to drown out those incessant thoughts.
