"How can I be happy when I've given so much of myself away?"
Being an idol certainly has it's setbacks.
As a leader, Kim Namjoon knows that all too well, but no one could ever prepare him for what BTS would become, because being an internationally f...
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CHAPTER 4: STILL LIFE BUT I'M MOVING
"This is the most musically inclined piece you've ever done," Yoongi says in awe. And, it's true. Namjoon has never produced anything quite like it. How it changes from alternative rock to a ballad so seamlessly, it's swept a metaphorical musical rug right out from under him. As it just did for Yoongi.
However, this is not why Namjoon chose to share it with him.
The following morning after producing and recording it, Namjoon had played it back. Anyone could tell he was slurring his words, his pronunciation unclear and slightly incoherent. He had tried redoing the vocals, but no version he did sober fit the track as well as his initial attempt.
So, he came to the conclusion that he had done something to the software while he was under the influence, and because he can't quite recall the events of the night, he went to the one person he knew could help him fix it. Yoongi knew his way around QL Studio 19 far more than Namjoon did. If there was anyone who could fix it, it'd be him.
"I appreciate you giving it a listen, but how's the DAW? Everything how it should be?"
Namjoon knows he's being ignorant to Yoongi's compliment, but staying on the topic of his new song would involve him revealing how he actually felt with him and Hana's breakup. That is if the second eldest hadn't already put two and two together to figure it out himself.
It isn't exactly rocket science. A primary school student could easily solve such a simple equation, and they wouldn't be like Yoongi, who lets him get away with the slight change in subject. No, they'd berate him to no end to get to the bottom of it. Namjoon is grateful Yoongi decides to respect his boundaries and drop it entirely.
"Yeah, there's nothing wrong. Working perfectly, I'd say." Yoongi removes the headphones around his ears to rest on his shoulders. "It has been a while since you've used your home studio. Might be the problem."
If we're not stating the obvious, Namjoon imagines Yoongi says in his head.
It's likely what they're all thinking, but at least Yoongi gives him reprieve, even if he does kind of owe them all a proper explanation about what happened.
None of them know about the reality of the breakup, how every moment inevitably led up to it, and there was nothing Namjoon could've done to prevent it. Try as he might.
He was so ready, so willing to give everything up. His dreams. His career. His brothers. He was going to throw it all away.
If it wasn't for that stranger he talked to through Headspace, he really would've, but he's glad he took that person's advice and had a rather difficult conversation with Hana. Saved him the embarrassment of actually going through with it. He later thanked the stranger and amicably parted ways. As most conversations went on the app. It was dangerous to talk to someone for too long. The longer, the more he revealed about himself, and if anyone found out who he was on there, who knows what that would jeopardize.
