"How can I be happy when I've given so much of myself away?"
Being an idol certainly has it's setbacks.
As a leader, Kim Namjoon knows that all too well, but no one could ever prepare him for what BTS would become, because being an internationally f...
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CHAPTER 3: CHANGE PT. 2
Before Namjoon can comprehend the various emotions he's felt throughout the weekend, it's come and gone. Monday looms over him tauntingly. Another long day of spending hours in the studio, only taking breaks to go to the bathroom and when any of the members come in to see him.
After what happened with Jungkook over dinner, he's expecting at least one of them will visit, just to check up on him under the pretense of Indigo, his new album.
As though on cue, there's a knock on the door to RKive. Seokjin's head pops inside. When his eyes land on Namjoon's back sitting at his elongated desk, eyes searing into his desktop, he comes in the rest of the way.
"Hey," the oldest of the seven greets. He slides a hand across the back of Namjoon's rolling chair and swivels it to face him.
Seokjin doesn't have to say a word for Namjoon to answer the brooding question.
"Thank you for checking up on me, but I'm fine."
He briefly meets the eldest's gaze before turning back around, one hand returning to the mouse and the other sliding the left side of his headphones behind an ear.
"Don't lie to me, Joon." Seokjin speaks softly despite the assertive phrase.
Namjoon can hear the concern in his voice even as he half-listens to Still Life, the second track on Indigo.
He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, debating whether he wants to have this conversation right now when his album will be out for the whole world to hear in just a few weeks. But, it's not like he's making any changes to it. It's too late. Indigo is completed and ready for distribution across all media platforms.
He's supposed to be in a meeting right now, discussing his schedule to promote his new music, and maybe that's why Seokjin is here. To haul his ass to one of the several conference rooms a floor above before either of them gets in trouble.
"Does it really matter how I'm doing?" The words come out in a strained whisper. Any louder and Seokjin will pick up on how hoarse he sounds.
Namjoon had spent last night crying, tears streaming down his face as he curled his legs to his chest in a heap on his bed. He tried to keep quiet with Jungkook just down the hall, but his throat racked with every sob.
10 months and the pain was still fresh.
Would he ever be okay?
Seokjin leans against the desk beside Namjoon and brushes a hand across his cheek, gently forcing him to look away from the computer he's been staring holes into, but he can't meet the eldest's gaze. Namjoon knows when he does, he'll lose whatever hold he has on his sanity and break.
"Joon, of course it matters." Seokjin slides a thumb across the puffiness below his eyes. Namjoon can barely even feel the slight caress, numb to the touch. "Let yourself feel what you've been denying yourself for weeks. That's the only way you'll heal."
