Are You Insane, Like Me?

Chapter 4 - Prolonging The Pain

Sitting on a public bench, Jong-woo was forlorn. He had looked at several apartments, but they were all outside of his price range. How could he keep living with those freaks? He would end up doing something stupid, either out of provocation or from being drugged. Besides, the others were ready to be done with him. He was desperate, but he wasn't sure that he had any way of fixing it. Additionally, he was unable to see a future with Jieun, especially as he heard the couple in front of him talk about how a man who rents shouldn't even date. These fucking assholes made him look like a loser. According to them, only those with money should date. The rest of society can be lonely. His face must have conveyed annoyance, as they gave him a frightened look and departed. As he looked up, he could have sworn he saw Moon-jo. What the fuck. Did he relapse into paranoia, or was he truly following him? Even if Jong-woo could overcome the fact that he was a creep, there was no staying at Eden. There was no hope for them. He felt depressed.

When Jieun arrived, he attempted to remain calm, but it was difficult in the face of her dissatisfaction. He tried to explain Moon-jo's strange behavior, but she refused to listen. He got blown off completely. They had at least once been friends, right? Couldn't she at least act as a friend, if not a girlfriend? Instead, she was talking down to him as if she didn't respect him at all. "Do you think I'm a loser too?" He inquires sadly. Feeling more hurt than resentment. 

"You're too much." She tells him in exasperation.

"You aren't listening to me, are you? You only hear what you want." He bites out in frustration. Before he realizes it, she is leaving without looking back. Something had come between them. Although it was a minor disagreement, it cemented their growing discord. Even as he acknowledged it, it still hurt. Everything was overwhelming him, leaving him an emotional mess. How do you manage your emotions when they have become so chaotic?

Feeling incredibly sorry for himself, he just wandered around. Too focused on his thoughts to notice what was going on around him, he lost track of time. As the sun began to set, it suddenly hit him that he had no alternative but to return to Eden tonight. He required protection. Stopping, he looks around, and he notices a convenience store located within a few steps of his location.  Entering the convince store to purchase a knife, he experienced a sense of ridicule. Who would need to carry a knife when in their living space? But without protection, he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. After purchasing the knife; with trepidation, he returns to Eden. Luck was with him, and he was able to sneak into the building and his room without being noticed or stopped.

Hoping to immerse himself in his passion and perhaps lose himself for a moment, he sat down to write. Instead, a knock interrupted him. He swore, thinking he'd force it down her throat if it were Ms. Eom with a second drink. Deciding it would be better to ask, he called out through the door. To receive back a voice that sounded both friendly and unfamiliar. Luck was with him again, it wasn't Ms. Eom but a new tenant. Opening the door, he saw an adorable, cherub-looking college student. Large, innocent-looking eyes gazed at him; however, he had been here for long enough that he didn't trust it. The kid asked for a phone charger, and even though he didn't trust him, he agreed. Was he truly going to allow this place to alter who he was? The kid thanked him respectfully and quickly went back towards his room, promising to return it soon. Jong-woo realized then that he had been holding the knife for the entire time. With a shake of his head, he put the knife under his pillow. He laughed, thinking that the kid might have thought he was weird.

Yanking the pillow over his head, he debated suffocating himself. Between his terrible dreams and his mom's phone call last night with her ominous feelings, he felt unsettled. After rising from his bed, he proceeded towards the laundry room to gather his fresh clothing. While returning his clothes, he encountered the cute kid. Despite last night's encounter, the kid remained cheerful and engaging. Jong-woo was reminded of a former military buddy. With that realization, he felt his resolve to be untrusting begin to dissolve somewhat in the face of this. He advises the kid to keep to himself and remain quiet. It was better to avoid being noticed by the peculiar people who lived there. While walking and conversing, he realizes that he has followed the kid outside, where he indulges in normalcy, something he hasn't done in forever.  He gladly agreed to let the kid call him brother. 

He was starting to feel a little more himself, but then, of course, he runs into Moon-jo. Why did he feel as though he were doing something wrong? Though Moon-jo appeared to be pleasant, Jong-woo was able to feel the malice. Maybe it was the way he kept focusing on him. When Moon-jo attempted to make eye contact, he was unable to look at him, instead looking elsewhere. 

"You two must have been talking about something pleasant." He states while looking between them.

"Just general conversation." Jong-woo tells him.

"You two look like you're going somewhere?" Moon-jo questions with a genuine smile coming out on his, face. Leaving Jong-woo feeling unsure.

"Just a walk." he tells him nervously.

"A walk?" Moon-jo says softly. "A walk will be nice. It's not that hot today."

"It's summer and you're wearing long sleeves. Aren't you uncomfortable? Oh! I bet you would rather not burn your pale skin." Seokyun says innocently.

Moon-jo smirks at him, "No, I have scars... You two have fun." He tells them as he was turning and walking away.

Jong-woo felt strangely better when it appeared that Moon-jo had given him permission. What the fuck were these fucked up feelings he had?

Once Moon-jo had left, Seokyun once again became a chatter box. "Woah, he is super handsome. So are you. Is everyone living here attractive? Gosh, I'm jealous, you're so lucky." 

Jong-woo internal thoughts, "yeah, buddy, let's see how long you think that way." He remembered Moon-jo wearing long sleeves just now. Moon-jo's long sleeves intrigued him, especially if they were used to covering up his scars. Why then did he let Jong-woo see them? Only a day after they had even met? He felt as though he had several puzzle pieces, but had no fucking clue on how they were supposed to go together. Seokyun suddenly interrupted his thoughts by asking him to go watch him rap. He figured why the fuck not, it would be preferable to watch the kid rather than remain at Eden. 

Seokyun's performance was a lot of fun. More than once he caught himself smiling. He realized that he was truly enjoying himself, something that hadn't happened in a while. After the performance, they went to find a place to eat together. Finding a restaurant where the food was good, and the drinks were cheap. After a few drinks, he may have felt a little too comfortable because he found himself oversharing. There was an easy comradery there that allowed him to share his feelings and confusions concerning Eden. Sharing in the way he'd once talked to his girlfriend.

Thinking about this, he was struck by how far they had gotten off track. This made him realize that they couldn't keep putting off talking, regardless of what happened. They needed to have a conversation and figure out what they both wanted for the future. If it turned out to be over, maybe it would be better for him to go back home. That thought strengthened his determination to go see Jieun. It would be better to start now than to continue putting it off. After saying goodbye to Seokyun, he went to Jieun's home. 

He stood adjacent to her building out of everyone's way and sent her a text message asking if she was awake. Only to turn around and see her saying goodbye to Jae-Ho, his boss and supposed friend. His mood immediately deteriorated and he felt deeply wounded. Over the weekend, she didn't have time for him, but she clearly did for Jae-Ho. What a fucking friend. Neither of them gave a damn about Jong-woo. He was contemplating going to confront at least one of them. Although uncertain as to which one and whether he possessed the right to do so. Considering he wasn't entirely certain what happened between him and Moon-jo, was he really entitled to it? Though all things pointed towards a passionate night.

While he was pondering all this, he got a notification that Seokyun had been spotted snapping pictures of the perv. Who'd been standing outside Jong-woo's bedroom. That's also when Jieun called. He hesitated, worried that he might put this off for too long. However, honestly speaking, what was the point? She'd stopped giving a damn about him. Yet, they had previously loved each other. Still, Seokyun could be in danger. He ran towards Eden.