Just the typical sad marvel thing /Peter

╔══•XXVI•══╗

Bucky's pov:
I go to bed after I talked with Tony. I knew this was coming. As soon as I close my eyes and try to sleep, thoughts are crossing my brain and it doesn't let me sleep. I feel so sorry for Peter and also May. Oh god, poor kid. And poor May, I hope she gets better. She has to. If anything worse happens to her... Peter couldn't take it. I'm so worried about Peter, he was already in a really dark place, but now that May got to the hospital... I have to look after him really carefully. I hope he's not planning on something bad. I hope he's not going to hurt himself today. It's possible so I have to check on him tomorrow. I feel like I shouldn't have told Tony or Steve. Peter got so mad, I wonder if he even trusts me after all that. I should've done it better. I'm the worst. Also Tony. I hope he's okay too. He told me he doesn't has anything in his room but I'm afraid he lied. I don't want anyone to self-harm today. I mean...maybe I will. It's getting a lot in my head. It's noisy and I can't sleep. It's been a few hours since it started and I'm really tired.

I just try to push the thoughts away and sleep. But it doesn't work. The worse ones are getting louder. You're a bad person, you couldn't help anyone. You're useless. Peter's mad at you. You're the problem.
My mind keeps telling me that I should just do it and get rid of the voices. Just take it and sleep now. But I don't want to relapse. It's so bad after. Do it, do it, you deserve it anyway. I cover my ears with my hands, I don't want to hear it but of course, it's in my head. It's not going to be quieter. I just start to panic, not knowing what to do. It's getting so loud. DO IT, TAKE IT! DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. I have to, I can't do this now. I've started crying and that doesn't happen usually so it's just really bad now. I have to.

I open my bathroom cabinet. I see Tony's lighter. Tony saying I should put it in a safe, echoes in my head. I decide to put it next to Peter's box, under my bed. Then I go back to the bathroom and take out the anxiety and sleeping pills. Since I'm a super soldier and since it's a way of self-harm and the voices tell me to take a lot, I do. I take half the bottle of anxiety pills and almost all of the sleeping pills. I'm getting so dizzy by the end but I don't care anymore. I just take them all and literally faint in my bed.

[time skip - next morning]

Steve's pov:
Most of the team woke up and we already had breakfast. I'm a little worried about Bucky. He used to be the first ones to wake up and he didn't wake up yet.

It's noon and Bucky still didn't come down. The team starts to get suspicious as well. I really hope it's not what I think. Finally, when we finished lunch he comes down. The others keep asking him what he did, joking, but he just rejects everything. "Just leave me... please," he says emotionless. He rests his head on the counter. "You good Bucky?" Nat asks. "Yea, I'm good just tired and dizzy. Might got a flu or something," he tries to cover it up. Then after a coffee, he goes back to his room. "Don't you want to eat?" Tony asks him. "Nah, I'm nauseous. But thanks," he replies. After he went into his room, I go after him. I have to talk with him. "Buck," I say as I open into his room. "Leave me, Steve." "What happened?" I ask, ignoring what he said. "Didn't you hear it? Leave me alone. By the way, I'm just sick like I said." "No, you're not. What happened yesterday Buck? I know you talked with Peter. What happened?" He just sighs and doesn't say anything. "I understand that you promised him you won't talk but that's not normal what you're doing. I know what you did." "No, you don't. I am just sick!" he snaps at me. "You relapsed, I know you did. Bucky you literally woke up at 2 pm!" He ignores me and doesn't answer. "How many did you take? Hm?" I know he'll deny that he did anything but I just know. Something happened with Peter and he told Bucky and then he couldn't take it. He took a lot of pills. He didn't relapse in a while now,  I just want to help him. "Okay then..." I say as I go into his bathroom. "Let me see how much you took, myself." As I open the cabinet he speaks up, "You know. It's like every time. A lot," he says ashamed now. "Talk to me," I say as I take the bottle of pills out and open it. "No. It's been already done. I'll be fine now." As I look into the bottle I notice it's almost empty. I remember when he bought it and just took a few so I know he took almost a whole bottle of pills. "But you can't just take this amount of pills and black out every time. Please, Buck." "It's just my fault. I'm the one who fucked it up." "I'm like 100 percent sure it's not true. But what happened?" "I will only tell you if you promise that you won't tell anyone. And if you do, I will never ever tell you anything else about it. Understood?" He's not like this usually, so I know he means it and it's something serious. "Yes, I promise," I say. "Peter relapsed even after I took his tools. And his arm was bad. Like bad, bad." I see him tearing up, he probably visualized it. "And then you know when he didn't come home... May got to the hospital, and Peter saw everything, actually, he was the one to carry her there so you know... he saw her bleed out and in pain," he sighs shakily. "And then after all we had an argument about some team members knowing about his problems. And he was right. I shouldn't have told anyone. And You shouldn't have told anyone... I don't even know why I do this again. I shouldn't tell you." "No Bucky. It's not healthy what you do. Now I know why you made me promise. I'll try my best not to tell anyone," I say, finally understanding the situation. "It was so loud Steve. I'm sorry. I really didn't want to relapse. I'm sorry," Bucky says. "No, Buck, I understand. It was a lot to deal with. You don't have to say sorry. I can't imagine what you've been through." "It was so stupid of me. I'm really sorry I should've been better." He won't believe anything I say, that it's nothing he did so I just go and hug him. "Thank you," he whispers. And he finally lets go. I can hear him sniffling as we hug. "It's okay," I say.

————————————————————————
A/N
6k reads??? What? Omg! Thank you so much guys! Ily<333

PS: I'll try to keep y'all posted every 4-5 days with new chapters. Take care🌙