Dreams in Moonlight

Part 11

Greg couldn't understand why this conversation was getting out of hand. They'd gone from talking amicably less than an hour ago, to barely tolerating each other now. And he knew the current situation was created by him. Clearly the hurt, the frustration, the desolation which was stored over the ten years was colouring his words.

"I guess the ten years has made a difference." She said softly. Then looked at him, "I talk to people because they are interested in me and what I have to say, and because I am interested in them, and what they have to say." His eyes narrowed at the implied criticism. She carried on quietly firm, "I've assumed people talk to me because they want to." Then she sighed, and said almost in a whisper, "I don't talk just to pass the time." She drew herself up, "Now, if you'll excuse me."

"Wait a second!" Greg commanded. He threw up his hands in disbelief, as he pointed out, "You can't after all this time expect me to pick up where you left me ten years ago." His words were laced with exasperation, futility, irritation and a faint thread of hope. Despite everything that had happened, everything that had gone on between them, what he was coming to realize was that this woman still meant something to him. Being friends with her was important. 

"I don't." Mallory said coolly, and her chin tipped up with pride.

Greg all but snorted at that comment, "But you expect ..."

Mallory shook her head with rueful resignation. "I don't expect anything. Not from you." She turned so that she could look straight into his eyes. It hurt knowing that someone you loved thought so little of you. It hurt. She licked her otherwise dry lips and muttered with a great deal of sadness in her voice, "Nothing. Other than common courtesy."

"You're saying I haven't been courteous?"

"I don't need you to be my friend. I certainly don't expect you to talk to me just to pass the time. " When he said nothing she added, "So you don't fancy me. Fine."

He grimaced. His words resurfaced. Yes, she was right. He was not courteous.  

She continued, "I'm no longer graceful. I limp. I can't help that." 

He winced as his words were rephrased. He put his hands up, accepting he was wrong.

Mallory ignored his wince and his hands as she carried on, "I am staid. But I was that ten years ago, and I attracted your attention!" She told him bluntly. "And you being male, would suggest that we staid women do attract male attention."

He reached forward and she took a step back, he said,"Mallory, I am sorry..."

She ignored his attempt to interrupt her, "I am conservative and prim."  She smiled ruefully and shook her head, "I agree, not exactly the type that makes you want to jump into bed!"

He rubbed his forehead, while his eyes remained trained on her.

Mallory glared, "But that's who I've always been. You knew me. You know that is me. I am prim, a bit of a prude, but.."

"Mallory, I am..."

She held her hand up to stop his interruption, "...may I remember you, ..."

"I am trying to apologise, Mallory!" he said firmly as he tried to interrupt her. He could see she was furious. He was not sure whether to be happy that she had removed her masked and allowed him to see the fury, or  worried about the fury he saw in her eyes.

She continued, "You did jump into bed with me! Albeit, ten years ago!" With that she flounced off. Or did the best she could to flounce given she still had to rely on her walking stick to help her. 

It felt good to speak her mind, and yet at the same time she felt sad, given what she had learnt this evening, things were definitely going to have to change. She could not continue to hope that he'd come to see her in the same light he had seen her all those years ago. Wishing he would treat her the way he had years ago was not going to happen. Not when his view of her had changed to such an extent that he could make such derogatory statements about her. The man and the boy were not one and the same, her brain stored that information. While her heart sulked.

Mallory made her way to her car. She was going home. Before she did something stupid and broke down in tears. In public. How can something that finished decades ago, still had impact today. She was sure, over the years she had developed a thick skin, but tonight, it showed the defence she had developed was just an illusion. She thought she had accepted that there was nothing between them, that a decade had given her time to negotiate the hurt, the desolation, the unrequited love. What was wrong with her? She cannot be in love with him. 

She would use the time to think about how she was going to handle living in the same town as the man she loved, a man who felt nothing but contempt for her.

It had hurt more than she had expected, when she had overheard him tell Harriet why he was unlikely to see Mallory as anything other than an acquaintance. Worse, the fact she lumped her company and conversation with his maiden aunt. It hurt because she had spent practically most of that evening talking to him and their conversation was magic. She believed he was enjoying being with her. Laughing. Like old times. So to learn it had been nothing but a sham, that he was just passing the time, was difficult to take. 

Clearly she would have to work on her attitude to him in public arenas but also in her thoughts. She was not sure what she can do about her thoughts and feelings, but she knew what she could about any potential meetings with him in the public arena. Best to avoid him, she thought as his words resurfaced in her mind. One word circled like tornado in her mind: Staid.